Friction
Learning to hold opposing ideas and contradictory beliefs in our minds and hearts creates friction.
This friction fuels wisdom, growth, and deeper understanding, opening us to a compassionate perspective toward both the micro (the individual) and the macro (the collective).
Humanity’s reluctance to cultivate this ability—to hold opposites within ourselves—leads to disruptions on a larger scale.
It results in narrow-mindedness and a lack of compassion for others.
Life Dreams, Wet Dreams
Sometimes, you just need to release the valve, in whatever way works best. I feel better, less erratic. But I know it's not the only reason I was feeling scattered. I’m consuming a lot of information, trying to make sense of the world we're in, and at the same time, I'm sorting through my emotions anticipating the current to come. It's another reason, but not the only one, for pouring media onto my mind.
It’s hard to predict the end of something so far in advance. But I'm grateful for the chance to grieve, and even more grateful for my awareness of what I’m grieving. It’s not easy to say goodbye. When you do, memories of gratitude rush to the surface, and the longing begins—sometimes more painful than the grieving itself. Maybe they’re both steps within a greater process called death.
I'm scared. There’s no other way to put it. One Chanel, the other Gap. One is wet dreams, the other ignites life dreams. I’m drawn to Ms. Gap—madam life dreams. That’s always been my dream: a partner, two kids, a life we build together. But my soul had other plans: healing homework for both the soul and the whole. I was a strange mix of "too nice" and rage, birthed from chaos and conditions both now and passed down from those before me.
I learned from the screen. It was in the room where I shined. If only I could make her emulate the sounds and expressions I absorbed with my ears and eyes. I’m a man of contingencies, always with a backup plan—or maybe a forward plan, depending on the moment. The skills of the tongue. I did well. Sometimes not so well—it depended on the sun and moon, the alignment of the planets out there and in here. I achieved a passing grade, a high C, and maybe even a B+ at times. I guess it depends on the student who came before me.
A grading system that only she controls: the teacher. Once upon a time, she was the wise one in our historical eyes. Today, she is underground, difficult to be found but if you listen, you can still hear her subtle sounds.
Where was I? Ah yes, wet dreams and life dreams. It's not that life dreams can't have the thrill of wet dreams, but if I had to choose, I’d choose the illusory "happily ever after."
I said nothing. The fear of the past tightens inside my heart, holding back the words that yearn to rise up the channel and dew-drop off my tongue.
Feeling scared. Scared of what? Rejection? Possibility? That what you want might actually come true? One dream at a time. Wait why not two dreams at a time?
Rewind.
What stopped you? She was literally in front of you.
Judgment. Judgment of who she was surrounded by, judgment of her likes. Judgments that make no sense, judgments meant to distract and deter you from the truth of that moment. All you wanted was to say hello, to start a conversation. She felt good. She felt calm inside my heart. Maybe she had a man, maybe not. Maybe she was a million things or a million different scenarios, but it didn’t matter because she felt like a potential life dream.
Emptiness in Neutrality
I feel empty today—not in a negative way, just neutral. I don’t have the energy to create, reflect, or dig into any deep insights. But I also don’t feel down or heavy. I feel neutral—a nice place to be. From this space, I can handle the admin stuff. My heart feels good, alive, energized. There’s an energy moving through me as I write.
Winding down, spending my evenings in silence with my journals and books, and beginning my mornings in the same quiet are meditations in themselves. I notice the subtle energies inside and outside of me, although I’m still tuning back into the external world. I’m not really doing anything, just learning to be within the being, to exist in the stillness. I simply observe.
Becoming the watcher once again.
I’m in this space, in this body, on this Earth, spinning and whirling on a floating ball in the universe. Just a blip in the system. What are we doing? What are we supposed to be doing? It’s such an odd thing to be human. Are we here to clean up karma from our lineage? Are we here to be tested? We have all these different ways to "sin"—good deeds, bad deeds. But what's the point of complaining about anything?
Super Moon in Aries
It’s so strange; I don’t think humans have really changed that much. The evolution of technology gives the illusion of human evolution, but in reality, we’re either on the side of making cool stuff or using it.
I yearn for a simple life. I want to enjoy this Earth as she was meant to be enjoyed. To align with her rhythm and dance to her tune, not the other way around. If we could just look up at the moon and remember we are nothingness, we might arrive at a place of humility, love, and deep connection. From that place, we’ll find everything we need. Because, really, we’re just not all that. Just a bunch of little ants with two feet, crawling around on this rock with inflated egos, trying to convince each other of what's right and wrong, defining morals that are complex and comparative. But in the end, it's all an illusion, a way to divide us from ourselves and each other.
What a strange thing it is to despise someone because of the colour of their skin, the name on their passport, or the religion they were born into. What a bizarre thing it is to make another suffer because of how they believe in God, how they dress, or how much money they have. It’s all so strange—the way we raise our children, how resistant we are to change, and how easily we’re coerced into devastating ideologies.
We’re really not that bright. I want to say we’re borderline idiotic, but I know that’s not kind. Maybe we’re just a collection of dummies. You know, I believe in God. I believe in Source, in the Divine, in angels and guides, in beings that are exponentially more enlightened than us—a place we may never reach. But every now and then, I wonder: Is there something wrong with God’s manufacturing plant? Are they using expired ingredients?
Of course, maybe there’s a greater plan, and we’re just too limited in these human costumes to see it. And even if we could see it, maybe our minds are too limited to understand. Perhaps the truth is right in front of us, and that’s the problem—we’re too close to see it.
It always comes back to the mind. But why? Why is the mind so vulnerable? I understand the physical body reflects the Earth, and I see the soul as a reflection of the Divine. But what about the mind? Why is it so easily attacked, while the heart is so easily broken? Yes, the heart’s purpose is to love, but I feel there’s more to explore there. Or maybe we just need to learn what love really is because at the moment we’re fucking terrible at it.
The mind. The heart. One is easily manipulated, the other easily broken.
Temporary
I woke up at 9:00 a.m. and did something a little different. Despite my heart's uneasiness—the urge that drives me to go, go, go and do, do, do to distract myself—I went to the washroom, brushed my teeth, and then went back to bed to continue reading The Beautiful Struggle. I am living and feeling two lives at once: the past of Ta-Nehisi Coates and the present of mine, which, for a moment, intensifies this feeling in my heart. Is this feeling anxiety, or is it something else?
I’m still learning to identify and name the swirls inside my heart. I suspect that each swirl is unique, each with its own identity and name. But my emotional vocabulary is limited to one word: anxiety. Maybe anxiety is a collection of emotions that add up to this name? Maybe. One thing I’ve learned over the past couple of years from surfing and the ocean is that no wave waves forever. Each wave has a beginning and an end. Some waves you ride, others you let pass, and some waves will knock you off your board into nature’s washing machine, where you can only pray to come out on the other side in one piece.
I feel like that in this moment.
The other side is yet to come. I’ll be swirling around in this for the next few weeks or maybe even months. But I have learned to come out of these moments a better "surfer" of this body of water called life.
I am the moon, and my life is the ocean. I am both the cause and recipient of these waves. Whoever and whatever I am, I know that this moment—however much it may feel overextended and seem like infinity—is, like all others.
Temporary.
It can only last forever if I try to control the vibration of the pebble I skipped across the still lake. It, too, will settle but will never be the same again. When it settles, all will be anew, inside and outside.
It’s only been an hour. It feels like hours have passed. I got a lot done: laundry, dishes, brunch, a little maintenance of my place, and of course, some writing. No music, no media, just the sounds of domestic instruments and the hum of vehicles outside my window. This is my nature at the moment. Not the sounds of insects and birds in the Amazon, or the ocean waves of the Pacific and Atlantic, or the markets in Spain, Morocco, and Nepal. In this moment, my nature is surrounded by industrial sounds—the nuts and bolts of the Western world.
I would be lying to myself if I said Ta-Nehisi Coates has not inspired me to move closer to my dream of being a full-time writer in the months to come. This is my dream. To travel and write with a partner by my side. This is my dream. Like Paulo Coelho and Haruki Murakami, Ta-Nehisi Coates is unlocking and activating new parts of me at a cellular level, one sentence at a time. His words, his story, are a key to the tucked-away and locked-up memories in my internal basement. What a gift. I’ve been searching and waiting for this over the last few months, maybe even years.
Inspiration.
We all need it from time to time. At least I do. I realize that I’m fortunate and lucky to have come across this angelic being who exported this book, The Beautiful Struggle, into my consciousness. I’m surprised that despite all his interviews promoting his new book The Message over the last couple of weeks, including the one on CBS, people still haven’t heard about him. This is mind-blowing to me, and it’s also a reminder of why it’s important for me to keep sharing my work, my writing, and my experiences. Why? Because I still carry this thought that the wisdom I’ve cultivated over my 47 years is of little to no value to the outside world because it’s old news. This thought is subtler now compared to the past, but it still likes to visit unannounced from time to time.
Everyone of color, particularly Black and brown people, should at least know his name, even if they don’t read his work. His interviews are powerful and inspiring. His ability to do what others in the soup haven’t—open up a platform for the voices of the suppressed and expose the hypocrisy and naivete of the American public—is remarkable. Yes, there are others speaking out, but Ta-Nehisi Coates seems to have broken down new barriers and reignited the flame of discussion for the Palestinian people.
Illusion? Perhaps.
Nonetheless, we truly cannot stop speaking about it. This is not just a fight for the Palestinians; this is a fight for the soul of humanity and the soul of our mother. I don’t know when we’ll come out the other side, when this washing machine cycle will end, but I know there is another side. Karma is brewing, and that bitch is going to cum hard. It seems like an eternity on our clocks, but in the time frame of the divine, it’s right on time.
Faith and a deep knowing keep my hopes alive. I see beyond to the other side, and I see a sunshine and the rays of a new sun.
Sabur. Sabur, Sabur.
The Elevator
I recently realized that for the last 18 years, I’ve been putting myself back together since you broke me, since all that I was programmed to believe came crashing down—like a home built without a foundation.
I want to blame my parents, but is that fair when they were simply reflecting how others were toward them? It’s probably more fair to blame the lineage, at least the last three generations, for the love that never had a chance to fully blossom because of the defective seeds planted and nurtured within me.
Maybe that day I was supposed to stop you. But how could I ruin your life? I was a mess. I wasn’t ready, nor did I feel deserving of you. Too many programs running inside me. Too many wires crossed, needing to be untangled and rewired.
I recently met 'her' again. It was a knowing, the same knowing I had when I walked into that club, and we locked eyes for the first time. I just knew.
It’s been hard. Not the hard times—they’ve passed—but it’s the good times that are hard. It’s on the elevator going up that I wish you were here. Someone to celebrate with. Someone to witness all my growth. I’m about to step into yet another elevator, and it looks like I’ll be walking in it alone once again. I have my friends, family, coach, and a few of them will fit, but at some point, they too will step off.
I AM
I AM, I AM, I AM.
This is what's in my mind, but I still don't know exactly what it means. There are many meditations around I AM. I'm open to understanding, but if somebody asked me about it, I wouldn't know what to say. Maybe when I say I AM, I'm saying that I am everything, or maybe it's just that I AM as you see me in this present moment. I'm simply just AM. There is nothing more, there is nothing less. I’m nothing more and nothing less than what you see right now.
I simply AM.
This brings me to presence. To be present. A part of my mind is wondering what we are going to do after this, even though it knows the routine. It knows we’ll use the washroom, shower, get ready, eat some food, and head to a cafe.
But it wonders and wanders.
Nosara, Costa Rica
It's focused on the next instead of the present. It’s always tugging at the mind, sometimes gently, sometimes more aggressively. It’s hope, hope that if we go out there, we will find her. We certainly won't find her in this 594-square-foot condo. Here, it is just me being. Just me I AMing.
Her.
Who is this mysterious her? Is it one person, or am I—this part that tugs at my mind—seeking an idea of her? Ideas are fleeting. Ideas are always changing. Ideas are the opposite of stable. Even if you catch an idea, it is just an idea, like a seed is just a seed.
Now, I am someone who has many ideas, but maybe I need to focus on the idea of one. Like I’m focused on the idea of one project. Focusing on one idea is opening up multiple paths within my heart and mind. Focusing on one idea is generating energy that flows in many directions while I’m just I AM'ing.
The energy that accompanies focus is the water that nurtures the seeds.
I know it's confusing. Which I am, am I? The little or the big? It’s hard to tell. I’m still figuring it out myself. But I’ll let you know as soon as I know exactly who I am.
The Leeches Beneath
They aren't the root nor the trunk,
Branches or leaves,
They are the leeches that live beneath.
They have strayed
From the collective belief.
They are not friend but foes,
They are the ones who need to go.
They don't believe in thee,
The one through whom the divine helps us see.
A Moment of Reflection
At the Hart House for an R&B concert.
I feel like I need to be here, but I’m looking for some guidance, something more than just this déjà vu feeling.
What is this?
Is there anything I need to do beyond what I’m already doing in this moment?
Simply be as you are.
I am.
Your heart.
How is your heart in this moment?
Are you happy with your choice to come to this event tonight?
I feel a little emotional when I sense this feeling.
You know the one I’m talking about?
Like I’ve been here before, or that I’m exactly where I need to be?
Is that it? Is that the story for this evening?
Listen to music and go home?
Seems like a small ending to such a big feeling, doesn’t it?
“Beauty of artists is to seek for truth. Each note is a search for truth.”
I can relate.
For me, each word is my way of searching for the truth.
Searching for the truth from within.
It’s 10:45 now. The concert’s over.
I saw the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while.
I liked her energy; she naturally embodied the feminine.
Her smile shines as brightly as the ring on her finger.
The kind that lights up every room she enters.
A 5-Month Update: Returning to Toronto, Navigating Love, and Embracing Change
The different humans I’ve crossed paths with have helped shift the lens through which I see the world. Born and raised in Toronto, knowing what it was and what it is now, I sometimes feel like a grumpy old guy. Words I wanted to say when I was young still want to slide off my tongue, but I hold back. I know things aren’t the same; like everything big and small, they change. Some aspects dissolve completely, and from that comes a process of rebirth. I see it. There’s a rebirth happening, and births are not meant to be painless because within the pain lie many lessons, preparing us for what’s on the other side.
This photo was taken six months ago. I’ll tell you in a moment why I saved it, but first, it’s been five months since I returned to Toronto. Four months ago, I signed my first one-year lease in three years. The mental transition has been tough, but I’ve finally found my flow. I have my friends and family, but I was missing community. Understandably, while I was living the nomadic life, everyone else’s life moved on.
I’m enjoying discovering new cafés, working on projects, working out, and practicing yoga. I’m spending time with my brother, nephew, niece, and friends and meeting new people. After two years, I’ve even started to date. At this age, I never thought I’d be here, but dating has been my biggest challenge to navigate.
Compared to dating and finding love, everything else in my life feels effortless, like a walk in the park.
I was going to share how difficult it’s been to find love, but that’s not true. What’s been difficult is receiving love. I’ve had opportunities to be in committed relationships, but my internal wiring was all crisscrossed. It’s taken me until now to feel psychologically and emotionally balanced and grounded.
I’ve been carrying around an unhealthy yearning to fill a void inside me. Yet, when opportunities for relationships came, I struggled to sustain them. Sometimes I chose wrong, too. Without diving too deep into that rabbit hole, I’ve come a long way in this daring process. To date is to be daring in this climate. It might sound odd, but I didn’t know how to date. I’m still learning, especially how to date in a healthy way—with openness, honesty, and emotional maturity.
I’m on one dating app, but I’ve also been going out and meeting women, rebuilding the courage and confidence to start conversations with strangers. This journey has been an education in openness and connection, and I’m grateful for every step.
I took this photo six months ago when I was in India. I went to the gym in my sister’s building to move the heaviness and clear up some of the darkness that was engulfing me. A combination of time to spare, algorithms, and changing a setting on Instagram led me to see the images coming out of Palestine. I began reading and seeing things that no human should ever have to witness, let alone experience. It teleported me into a darkness I hadn’t visited in ten years.
This darkness continued when I returned to Toronto. I struggled to reintegrate into this energy and accept the need to land here longer than I have in the last three years. Signing my first lease in three years triggered an anxiety attack. The weekdays were manageable, but the weekends—especially the long weekends—were filled with profound loneliness and sadness that pulled me back into the darkness. My piece Seductive Shadows came from this place.
It was dark, yes. Old narratives came rushing to the surface, and I must admit, it really fucking surprised me. But there was a big difference this time: I had the ability to watch, observe, and allow this internal drama to play out. I have tools to remain grounded and ride the waves of the darkest thoughts and emotions. The first four months felt like being back in the womb, and in the fifth month, I rebirthed with new energy, a fresh mind, an expansive heart, and a newfound excitement and optimism for life. I even rediscovered a love for Toronto (I know, hard to believe, right?!).
I know the darkness has its gifts, and I’ll embrace the waves when they return. But for now, oof, am I glad to be back on the surface, soaking in the sunshine.
Reimagining the Cultivation of Food
I was thinking about something—there’s this problem with expensive food prices right now. I was watching an interview with the NDP leader, and he was being pressed on what he could do about it. It was hilarious to watch his inability to answer. The lack of imagination and creativity in our politicians is mind-boggling.
Anyway, that got me thinking about my massage therapist—who, by the way, I haven’t visited since I’ve been back. Definitely time to book one! She’s been growing her own veggies and herbs in her backyard for years. Some herbs she stores or freezes so she has enough throughout the winter. That led me to a clip I saw on Instagram (I think) where someone talked about grass—not the kind you smoke—the grass around our houses and how useless it is aside from aesthetics. This is space, space that could be used to cultivate food.
This is my dear friend Majo's garden in Concordia, Colombia.
Imagine for a moment if half the population did what my massage therapist does. Or think about every old-school Italian and Portuguese gardener, or those community gardens in places like High Park. What if condos figured out how to create community gardens? For people without a green thumb, this could even become a business opportunity for garden lovers like my friend Phil from Smiling Gardner and others.
We could be producing our own food.
In a time when the economy is weak, a weak economy presents an opportunity to reimagine and recreate. In many ways, I think we’ve had it too easy, and ease diminishes human creativity and suppresses the imagination. I see this as a beautiful opportunity for our city and country to zoom out and recognize the possibilities in front of us.
Lastly, it’s not just about cultivating food—it’s about cultivating life, nourishment that feeds us on multiple levels. It’s time to build stronger communities, and nothing ties people together better than the cultivation and sharing of food. The question isn’t “Can this be done?” but “What would happen if this idea was scaled across the GTA?”
One last thing my RMT shared—last year, she started gardening barefoot, connecting directly with the earth. This deepened her relationship with the floating ball we all live on and made her even more grounded. Beautiful, right?
The Entity Feeds on Ignorance
There is an intersection between the physical body and the spirit. In this place between them, there’s an entity—a force we don’t fully understand. It’s from this space that chaos and destruction arise, feeding on what’s unseen and misunderstood. We need to bring the unseen into the light.
"Why is nobody doing anything?"—a question asked during the tragedies of Bosnia and Rwanda, and sadly, it's just as relevant today. Why isn't anyone doing anything? Why does history continue to repeat itself?
Religions have grown from thousands to millions, even billions of followers. In the material world, we’ve uncovered more knowledge than we know what to do with. More discoveries. More growth. More understanding. And yet, here we are. While the evolution of technology is undeniable, the evolution of humanity? That remains questionable. It feels incomplete, as though we are missing half of the equation.
We can embrace both the material and the spiritual, but unless we explore the layers of our minds and hearts, the merry-go-round will continue. On the surface, things may seem different, but scratch just below, and it’s clear: the same script, different actors.
Our obsession with either the material or the spiritual blinds us to what lies between. And this obsession does nothing to foster a healthy, balanced humanity. The entity, the unseen force, will continue to wreak havoc until we learn to see what we currently cannot. To do that, we must first remove the blinds of ignorance.
To start, we can look at our relationship with our ego and our sexual energy. These are two areas demonized by one or more religions, creating a distorted relationship with both. Suppression of our sexual energy cuts off our creativity and our connection to this planet, as well as to the source. Similarly, demonizing the ego disconnects us from our power, which resides in the solar plexus. A healthy ego helps us deliver our work and maintain a balanced connection with both self and Self.
When sexual energy is suppressed, creativity—the core of our humanity—suffers. Creativity and self-expression live between the physical and spiritual realms, and when out of balance, they disrupt our relationship to both. This imbalance leaves us vulnerable, open to manipulation by the entity that thrives on separation and disconnection. The weakness within us feeds it. Separation on the outside begins within each of us.
Humanity has become—or perhaps has always been—ignorant. Ignorance is the antithesis to the evolution of love for all beings, regardless of race, religion, or culture. It’s this ignorance that contributes to the collective state of the world today.
What Will People Think?
Instagram may not be the perfect platform, but I can and will build up my business page. I’ve cultivated the courage to write and share extensively about my life. Dating alone is something I could dive deep into. My mind is looping, cycling through insecure thoughts, but that’s only because I’m being vulnerable in so many areas of my life.
A part of me creates stories—negative ones that have no data or logic. Even if these thoughts were true, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m showing up as my whole self, raw and vulnerable, across all parts of my life: in Ever Evolving, at Sychem, and in my personal life. I’m really putting myself out there, and sometimes, the emotional waves hit hard.
That voice—that one feeding you shitty thoughts, making up stories about people mocking or judging you—is the "what will people think" voice. It's woven deep into your being, but it's not you. It’s the voice of your parents, ancestors, and culture, all passed down through generations. It’s been ingrained into your psyche to keep you small, to stay quiet, not to be vulnerable or disrupt the status quo. It's there to stop you from being truly yourself, to block the freedom of exposing your authentic self to the world.
The Myth of Originality
Ideas resurface from the depths or appear out of thin air
It Never Expires
If ideas and creations want to revisit you, let them. Allow them to express themselves. The belief that everything you create must always be unique and different is a myth—a notion you’ve picked up along the way, or perhaps one someone else planted in you. Think of these recurring ideas that resurface from the depths or appear out of thin air as old friends bringing messages—messages they couldn’t share when they first emerged because circumstances didn’t allow them to complete their original work.These ideas are old friends visiting again, seeking to reconnect and spend some intimate time with you. They’re choosing you, hoping you can help them finish their journey so they can move on without needing another ride on the earthly merry-go-round. Sure, things may repeat, but don’t worry about that. Be grateful that this idea, this thought, this old friend has visited you once again. Allow them to express themselves fully. Listen with compassion and love, and be the vehicle that delivers their voice to the world.
Mystical spirits are everywhere. We simply need to see with our ears and hear with our eyes.
There Is No Such Thing as Original
There is no such thing as original. Whatever stories, paintings, ideas, and thoughts come through you, using you as a mechanism to be heard and expressed, simply are. What a privilege it is that the unseen trusts you to help them be seen once again. What an honour it is that they are willing to share the depths of their hearts, emotions, ideas, thoughts, and art with you. Your role is to keep this vehicle—yourself—clean within and without so that when they arrive, you’re free of clutter and ready to host both the unseen and the seen. Because, in truth, there’s no difference. We’re all here together. Sight can be both heard and seen; listening can see and be heard. Allow your senses to live fully. Don’t reduce them to a one-trick pony.
It's Not for You to Decide
Let go of the outcome. When you entered Sychem, you had no time to get attached to the outcome; you only had time to learn how to swim. When you're drowning, the destination doesn't matter—finding air to breathe is all that counts.
Pokhara, Nepal
I realize now that the same mindset and level of detachment I had at Sychem should apply to what I create within the Ever Evolving sphere. As I just read in The Creative Act by Rick Rubin, the receiver of my creations will experience them through their own lens, not mine, meaning their interpretation of my art will differ from my own. It's pointless to worry about how others will receive the letters, words, sentences, and paragraphs I create. Release control—it's not yours to keep.
This detachment has allowed me to share with more ease. Separating my emotional attachment from how my work is received doesn’t strip the emotions from the work itself. It simply frees me to share without the burden of concern over others' reactions because there will always be those who love it, those who hate it, and those who are indifferent. The need I once had—and sometimes still feel—to be loved by all has, at times, held me back from fully sharing my inner world with the outer world.
The Ideological "Isms"
The Story of the Concierge and the Realtor
He worked here for 12 years as the head concierge, always kind and gentle. He knew everyone in these two buildings, a combined 80 floors. Then, on October 7, everything changed. Within two weeks, he was fired for sharing a Facebook post about Palestine. I don't know exactly what he shared, but it led to immediate termination. One of the board members claimed they felt unsafe, and suddenly, a man who made everyone feel safe for over a decade was seen as a threat.
Meanwhile, a Realtor posted a photo of Gaza’s bombed buildings, mocking the dead with a caption that read, "Property for sale, but no water or electricity available." It was meant as a joke. He worked with Remax, and calls were made to have him barred from real estate. I’m unsure if he’s still working, but there was a strong outcry to get him suspended.
One person supported life and freedom, while the other mocked destruction. In my circles, most people, regardless of race, religion, or culture, don't support the violence on October 7, but we also don't support what happened before or after. This conflict has created a wedge between people who once lived peacefully together.
Recently, I was at a new café with friends, and we asked a staff member who the owner was. She hesitated before saying the name. The current tensions have created a climate where even owning a business can cause concern. Where the name of a person can result in loss of business. Where a social media share can mean a loss of one’s job.
This is where we are now—people getting fired, businesses worried about their owners' backgrounds and a city that feels less like the Toronto I grew up in. There is a deep sadness in this. I grew up with Jewish brothers and sisters whom I will always love. But the current state of Israel and Palestine has driven an even deeper wedge for two groups of people who share so much in common. Despite everything, I still have love in my heart. I feel no hate, only a deep sadness because I know there is another way. I’ve lived that other way and still do. Toxic ideologies on both sides have divided us.
I spend a lot of time listening to all sides because it’s important, even if I disagree with someone or think they’re being manipulative. Governments worldwide, not just in one country, are filled with people who prioritize their personal interests over the people they serve.
The message I hear today reminds me of what I heard as a child. Zionists seem to have a separate source of information, but this isn't unique to them. When I was younger, I didn’t understand the source of the Zionist narrative. I knew nothing about Zionism, just that certain topics were off-limits. On the Muslim side, I was an insider, many of my once very liberal, progressive family suddenly became more religious. I’m okay with different religious practices, but I resist when others try to impose their fanatical ideas on me.
It's also been interesting to learn how there are both Christian and Jewish Zionists, and being anti-Zionist is often equated with being anti-Jewish. This label is even applied to Jewish people who are anti-Zionist, more often called "self-hating Jews"—people like Gabor Maté, Norman Finkelstein, Naomi Klein, and others.
Over the last 10 months, like many people, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve always followed my feelings and used them as a compass for how I show up in the world. I don’t judge others because I understand what it’s like to have ideologies forced upon you. I’ve spent a lot of time deprogramming and making space for beliefs aligned with my spirit.
This brings me to the documentary Israelism Erin Axelman and Sam Eilertsen, another so-called "self-hating Jew." I think it’s important for everyone to watch, but I want to emphasize that harmful ideologies aren’t limited to one group. For example, Saudi Arabia government doesn’t represent Islam, just as Zionism doesn’t represent Judaism. If you watch this, I encourage you to reflect on the ideologies that have been instilled in you and how they might separate you from humanity, all beings, and this beautiful planet we’re blessed to engage with. These ideologies create barriers between us and having a more symbiotic relationship with our home, Earth.
There are many beautiful rituals and practices in all religions, but they are often overshadowed by toxic ideologies that act as a dam to the essence of these divine gifts.
If you’re wondering if you’re drowning in an ideology, reflect on your relationships with those who are "different" from you. How does your heart feel towards them? Is it unconditionally loving or filled with judgment? Also, examine your relationship with our planet. How do you treat her daily?
Ideologies disconnect us not only from others but also from ourselves. They divide and conquer, starting with the individual and spreading outward. Zionism and Wahhabism have created a wedge between Muslims and Jews, but I refuse to let any ideology change how I feel about my Jewish and Muslim brothers and sisters, many of whom I believe are disconnected from the divine essence within, from the moment they enter this world the programming of separation began.
My heart continues to open to all. I weep for the traumatized and the traumatizer because the traumatizer was once traumatized. We cannot find peace until we understand this cycle and start the healing process.
I have so much hope, but I’ll admit I’ve spent the last couple of months in darkness. This photo was from a few months ago, the first time in 10 years that my old friend depression visited me (or maybe I visited him). I’ve been in and out of it since returning to Toronto. It’s different this time because I can observe myself in this state. I also have many tools now and know how to navigate this darkness, recognizing the gifts it holds and how to bring myself back into the light.
I leave you with this to ponder, including my Christian brothers and sisters. They seem to be less involved, perhaps thinking this is an issue between Jews and Muslims. But why are Christian Zionists so adamant about protecting Israel, even to the point of silencing non-Zionist Jews? What exactly do they want? How do they benefit from this conflict and Middle Eastern instability? What does the genocide and displacement of the indigenous people of Latin America and North America have in common with the current situation in the Middle East?
This brings me to ask more questions: Who is in whose land? Who has infiltrated others' lands with military bases everywhere? Who is the terror, and who is terrorized? We must get crystal clear on this and acknowledge that our freedoms come at the expense of others, from Latin America to the Middle East to Africa. How did Zionists and Wahhabis infiltrate our minds? Like any business, they needed resources to expand—resources that both the Saudis and Israelis have.
I will pause now with this conflict. I want to learn more about other conflicts like the one in Sudan and also local issues in Canada because the truth is, we are not doing well. How could we when our resources, our tax dollars, and the illusion of freedom that we experience result from another's suffering? We are not well, and a band-aid won’t help because this illness has penetrated deep below the surface. Despite all my tools and strength to hold darkness, I have limits on how much I can consume. People from all sides are fighting this battle. As the courageous @plestia said, this is no longer just about Palestine; it’s a much greater fight.
Freedom for Palestine and its people is a stepping stone to freedom for all.
Here is a list of a few people I follow if you are interested:
Lex Friedman Podcast - Listen/Watch his interview with Iman Dr. Omar Suleiman
I also watch Al Jazeera, Zeteo and sometimes Israeli news channels, which I think is important in all conflicts, even when there isn’t one. Exposing ourselves to others’ views and beliefs allows us to find compassion and common ground, even when we vehemently disagree. Love has no boundaries. It costs nothing to give, and it’s a resource that never runs out, although some groups try to block it with ideologies.
This piece is a culmination of everything I’ve absorbed, not just in the last 10 months but over 47 years of swimming in this stew.
In the end, consume all the information you want, but the way to help is to go within—not to dissociate, but to cultivate a deeper connection with your heart and mind. Purify, create space, deprogram the viral ideologies, and we will meet on the other side.
Much love and peace to all.
The Insatiable Entity
Resistance to suppression is not terrorism; it is the path to freedom.
The convenient use of war vs. terrorism by those in power.
The idea that there is a terrorizer and the terrorized.
Who decides who is what?
You?
Me?
Another?
Labels conveniently provided by those in power.
Let's get clear on what freedom means. Let's begin to question this illusion of democracy. If democracy requires one to be superior over the other, that some must suffer for me and you to be in a "democratic" system, then no thank you.
There must be another way.
Either at its core, democracy is a failed ideology or democracy had good intentions but, like all religions, has been hijacked by layers and layers of ideologies by the manipulative suppressors in power.
Power is simply a being, but at its core resides an entity. To view those in power solely in a physical sense is to miss the entity itself.
You can destroy the physical, but the entity will find another victim to take hold of and do its work.
This entity feeds off of the unhealed traumas of humanity.
How Long Has it Been?
Staying small. Thinking small. Caught up in mundane thoughts.
Are you staying in your own shadow? Still don’t want to be seen? Still want to fly under the radar? What would it feel like to live above it?
Is there a connection between the freeze-and-flight response in the search for love and the hesitation in sharing your work? Do both require the same flavour of vulnerability and openness?
Why do I freeze when people see me? When they show genuine love for my work and way of being?
I recoil, uncertain.
Who benefits from staying small? From thinking small? From being caught up in mundane thoughts? What are these mundane thoughts?
Staying in the shadow is tempting; it’s the home of the exiled. But what parts have been exiled? What parts are yearning to rise to the surface, to sip the air of wind, to feel the heat of the sun and the light of the moon?
How long has it been?
It feels like lifetimes.
The Seductive Shadow
Essaouira, Morocco
In depression, I embody my shadow.
The shadow is seductive,
the place where my deepest desires are stored.
A sadness engulfs me,
a desire to bring these parts of myself to light.
Fear freezes me.
Pieces of me cultivated as outcast,
pieces society, religion, loved, and trusted ones deemed as bad, sinful, unworthy.
The longer I wait, the heavier the weight.
It's time to declutter my shadow.
Heaviness.
Carrying the weight of my shadow.
Difficult to move, to breathe.
Walking along and suddenly, the swift energy of the shadow is activated.
It feels like walking through mud after a storm.
Sinking.
It's hard to move at times.
Gifts of intoxication.
Substances provide temporary relief,
an opportunity to act out the tucked-away self within my shadow.
The small window closes once again.
I put away myself and awake once again to my reality,
yearning for the seductive shadow to light me up once again.
Happy America Day: Reflecting on Freedom and Responsibility
Happy America Day! It is a dream for some and a nightmare for others.
Are our values and freedoms achieved at the expense of others' suffering? Can we genuinely attain happiness and peace if the answer to this question is yes? Can we choose to be conscious or unconscious of how our money, an extension of our energy, contributes to the suffering of others?
For the first time, are we collectively seeing? We have no choice but to be conscious of our collective unconsciousness.
Freedom
Does my freedom depend on others' suffering?
If my freedom comes from taking the liberty of others, can I indeed be free?
Are we less free or more free? We have freedom of speech (with rules attached) and freedom of movement, but what about the freedom within our minds and hearts?
We complain about our politicians and leaders and blame them, but if this is the furthest distance our voice travels, are we not failing and complicit? I am realizing that complaining about politicians is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the realities we live in.
We have been through many difficult times, but why does this feel different?
Are those in power not a reflection of you and me?
It's similar to the leaders we choose; they cause suffering to others with our money, and we continue to do nothing. It's so much easier to blame a select few, but it's more important to look at ourselves and make the tiniest changes in how we move through the world, think, feel, and love.
It's like our ancestors' gifts and traumas that were passed down consciously and unconsciously. Our ancestors may be long gone, but it is up to us in this present moment to make a choice, right their wrongs, and heal their wounds. Their wounds live within us. If we don't do it, we will pass it down to our children, and if they don't, then their children, and on and on, it goes until someone steps on the brakes.
Are we free across all layers within? To attain pure freedom requires tiny steps towards a full conscious awakening, an opening of our hearts, for a closed heart is no symbol or sign of freedom.
We have all been born into a life of separation and suppression, reinforced and normalized by our families and societies.
Most would see the conflicts today and suggest that the oppressed and displaced don't have freedom. True, they don't have physical freedom to move and be as they please, but they have freedom within their hearts. Although they continue to be traumatized, they even have freedoms within their minds. The oppressors have the illusion of freedom to move as they wish, but their hearts and minds are caged by an ideology that acts as a disguise to serve them.
World Social Forum 2024 Nepal
Whatever feelings you may have about these words, I invite you to take a moment—ideally many moments over many days, weeks, and years, as long as it takes—to reflect on freedom within all four layers of being. Is my body free? Is my mind free? Is my heart free? Is my soul free? What am I a slave to? We are all slaves to something.
What does freedom mean to you? Is your freedom at the expense of another's? Does it need to be this way?
The wars are a reflection of a more significant battle, a battle that lives within our hearts and minds. Don't underestimate the power of cultivating peace, balance, and healing within. The more of us that heal within, find balance, cultivate peace, and open our hearts to ourselves and others, the faster the external will heal. When we free ourselves from the enslavement of the system, we will free those who suffer as a result of us perpetuating the problem by not cutting the chains of capitalistic enslavement.
Don't close yourself off to what is happening out there. You can remain unconscious, but it will become conscious sooner or later—if not for you, then for your children or those yet to arrive. You don't have to complete the work, but we all need to start it.
It's an important day to reflect on freedom because America prides itself on being the land of the free, but at what cost? At whose expense?
Fighting for Freedom Within
The entity without is the same entity within. We can go outside and fight against the injustices in our world, but the injustices also live inside of us. Learn how to bring justice within your own heart, then you can teach, guide, and inspire others to do the same.
What will life be like when we experience justice within our hearts? Are we working to rid ourselves of this entity or looking to heal and become one with it? To work together. How do these seemingly opposing energies inside of us come together? Balance.
If we look at the conflicts of the present moment, they will only attain peace and complete freedom once they come together. Both sides have something to bring to the table. Is this true? Who benefits from this conflict? How are we contributing to those benefactors? What steps do we need to take to take back that which is most precious?
As we celebrate America Day, it's crucial to reflect on what freedom truly means. True freedom is not just about physical movement or speech; it's about freeing our minds and hearts from the chains of ignorance, prejudice, and complacency. Our collective responsibility is to heal our internal wounds, recognize our complicity in societal injustices, and make conscious choices that promote equality and compassion. Only then can we hope to achieve genuine freedom for ourselves and others. This journey begins within, and by taking small steps towards inner peace and balance, we can create a ripple effect that transforms the world around us. Let us strive for a freedom that uplifts everyone, not just a privileged few.
EVERYTHING
I have only one weapon, and that is my pen. Use it. Don't waste its unlimited ammunition. It is forever. All that is etched into this piece of paper is etched into the Universe. It is never for nothing. It is all for something. Do not worry about the naysayers inside and outside. Your heart's expression, its mark on this land, in this time, is not a nice-to-have; it is EVERYTHING.
From the Streets of Valencia, Spain
You are the beauty we are all waiting for; it will be received by the seen and unseen. Don't be discouraged, and don't look for outcomes. Each moment that your heart expresses upon us is a push in the right direction.
They speak about the third eye, the home of our intuition and critical to our awakening, but there is another eye that lives within your chest, planted upon your heart. Centuries of seduction have kept her sleeping, but their tears are our tears. Their sacrifice is our awakening. Don't let it be for nothing because it is everything. Don't you see the gift they are gifting us? Will you let their screams awaken you from the seduction of he?
Don't let it be for nothing because it is EVERYTHING.
From the streets of Valencia, Spain