Talib Hussain 9/25/24 Talib Hussain 9/25/24

I AM

I AM, I AM, I AM.

This is what's in my mind, but I still don't know exactly what it means. There are many meditations around I AM. I'm open to understanding, but if somebody asked me about it, I wouldn't know what to say. Maybe when I say I AM, I'm saying that I am everything, or maybe it's just that I AM as you see me in this present moment. I'm simply just AM. There is nothing more, there is nothing less. I’m nothing more and nothing less than what you see right now.

I simply AM.

This brings me to presence. To be present. A part of my mind is wondering what we are going to do after this, even though it knows the routine. It knows we’ll use the washroom, shower, get ready, eat some food, and head to a cafe.

But it wonders and wanders.

It's focused on the next instead of the present. It’s always tugging at the mind, sometimes gently, sometimes more aggressively. It’s hope, hope that if we go out there, we will find her. We certainly won't find her in this 594-square-foot condo. Here, it is just me being. Just me I AMing.

Her.

Who is this mysterious her? Is it one person, or am I—this part that tugs at my mind—seeking an idea of her? Ideas are fleeting. Ideas are always changing. Ideas are the opposite of stable. Even if you catch an idea, it is just an idea, like a seed is just a seed.

Now, I am someone who has many ideas, but maybe I need to focus on the idea of one. Like I’m focused on the idea of one project. Focusing on one idea is opening up multiple paths within my heart and mind. Focusing on one idea is generating energy that flows in many directions while I’m just I AM'ing.

The energy that accompanies focus is the water that nurtures the seeds.

I know it's confusing. Which I am, am I? The little or the big? It’s hard to tell. I’m still figuring it out myself. But I’ll let you know as soon as I know exactly who I am.

Talib Hussain 9/7/24 Talib Hussain 9/7/24

What Will People Think?

Instagram may not be the perfect platform, but I can and will build up my business page. I’ve cultivated the courage to write and share extensively about my life. Dating alone is something I could dive deep into. My mind is looping, cycling through insecure thoughts, but that’s only because I’m being vulnerable in so many areas of my life.

A part of me creates stories—negative ones that have no data or logic. Even if these thoughts were true, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m showing up as my whole self, raw and vulnerable, across all parts of my life: in Ever Evolving, at Sychem, and in my personal life. I’m really putting myself out there, and sometimes, the emotional waves hit hard.

That voice—that one feeding you shitty thoughts, making up stories about people mocking or judging you—is the "what will people think" voice. It's woven deep into your being, but it's not you. It’s the voice of your parents, ancestors, and culture, all passed down through generations. It’s been ingrained into your psyche to keep you small, to stay quiet, not to be vulnerable or disrupt the status quo. It's there to stop you from being truly yourself, to block the freedom of exposing your authentic self to the world.