Talib Hussain 6/19/24 Talib Hussain 6/19/24

Life is Precious

The cycle of life. Death and birth are constant. It is not a one-time event. To experience it as such leads to suffering. Some cycles are small, others are a little more noticeable, but it is happening often. Think about your day today. All that you did was left behind. It has passed. The suffering arises when we hold onto it. Tomorrow we awake again, newborn, a new day, a new opportunity. What a delight it is to wake up. How blessed, another day to make a little impact on the ones we love, the strangers whom we cross paths with, a smile, a gaze, a nod of acknowledgment. Then there is this earth, a little hello to the trees, walking barefoot in a park, absorbing the energy of her, the one who holds us, the mother from which we were all birthed.

Life is precious.

Talib Hussain 6/15/24 Talib Hussain 6/15/24

Scaffolding for my Emotions

Resilience

Resilience came to mind when reflecting on dating and relationships, inspired by a podcast I listened to yesterday. The speaker suggested dating someone who is my opposite, as seeking someone like myself is egoic. While I can't recall his exact words, the idea stuck with me. Considering the power and potential of opposites, I realized that resilient couples, those together for 10+ years, have an incredible ability to weather life's storms and continually return to each other.

This resilience inspires me. I observe these couples and how they navigate and embrace their imperfections. It's normal to face challenging times. Of course, there's a limit, as seen in my family, and some situations are unhealthy for the couple or their children. But I'm not referring to traumatic relationships. I'm talking about the dance of falling in and out of love, the choice to recommit even when the fuzzy feelings fade.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is another crucial concept. My parents expect us to forgive without an apology or acknowledgment of our childhood experiences and their impact on our adulthood. Can I truly forgive without acknowledgment? I don't think so. Let me emphasize: can I forgive without acknowledgment? I don't think so. I have tried to block out unresolved injuries, but some memories resurface, seeking resolution and release. They cause surface chaos before retreating to safer, hidden places.

Scaffolding

At 47, I've shifted. In recent years, I've built scaffolding for my emotions, allowing them to stay on the surface without causing external chaos, though internal chaos remains. I'm building a relationship with unprocessed experiences from my childhood, teens, and 20s. I've created new spaces for them to breathe and take in light. I, the 47-year-old Talib, support these past versions of myself to heal, live, and eventually integrate.

I'm no longer seeking external resolution or release for emotional wounds. I am the parent, coach, therapist, and healer. There's only so far others and medicines can take me. At some point, I must take hold of the baton and run to the finish line on my own.

Waiting

Maybe she's waiting for me at the finish line. Perhaps I was waiting for her to help me reach it. But it's not her marathon to finish; it's mine. She's whole, having completed her journey, and waiting to run the next one together. Maybe. One can hope, right? To one day journey as a couple, to journey together.

Conclusion

In the end, the journey of resilience, forgiveness, and personal growth is uniquely my own. It's about embracing the storms and finding my way back to love, forgiving even when acknowledgment is absent, and building the internal scaffolding to support my emotional landscapes. At 47, I've learned that true healing comes from within, and while I may hope for someone to share my journey, it's essential to complete my marathon first. The resilience to weather life's challenges, the courage to forgive, and the strength to nurture my past selves pave the way for genuine connection. Maybe, just maybe, at the finish line, I'll find not just someone waiting, but the readiness to journey together, whole and healed.

Talib Hussain 6/10/24 Talib Hussain 6/10/24

Tearless Cries

I'm beginning to understand that emotional maturity and emotional expression are different things. We can articulate our feelings and still behave immaturely. In my writing, I’m projecting my journey towards greater emotional maturity. I’m learning to express and communicate my emotions better. If I'm happy, I can express it; if I'm angry, I can communicate that too. Now, I can even communicate sadness.

Before, I would suppress sadness with food, drinks, or media. Now, I recognize sadness and feel where it resides in my body. However, I don't know how to release it. Yesterday, I explored this: What happens if I don’t release my sadness? It fills my body with heaviness. This unreleased sadness often leads to despair and sometimes to a depressive state. For a long time, it has taken me there, except for a couple of months ago in India. I know that when I feel heavy inside, movement helps, especially lifting weights. Twenty to thirty minutes at the gym lifts my spirits. I think it’s the combination of movement and the release of endorphins.

Identifying emotions and communicating them to myself and others is a step toward further emotional maturity. But I’m still blocked when it comes to releasing sadness. Somewhere along the path, I suppressed this emotion. Over the years, I've learned that when we suppress one part of ourselves, like sadness, we also suppress its opposite—joy. If I can’t express and release sadness, I can't fully experience happiness and joy.

I've felt this deeply. There have been times and places, like recently in Valencia, where I could fully express both sadness and joy. Here in Toronto, it's a bit more challenging, but I’m working on it. I am better today than I was a year ago—more emotionally evolved. This means I don’t react to others' actions that trigger past pain. Instead, I can feel the emotion, observe its rise and fall like ocean waves.

These reflections have surfaced as I open myself to dating again and seeking a dynamic, expansive life partner. Someone who understands the layers of being, who has an insatiable curiosity about herself, others, and the world. Someone proactive in her day-to-day life, moving forward and upward.

Observing other couples, I realize there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Advice is based on individual experiences, and every piece of wisdom is unique. I listen, observe, and learn. I admire those who sustain long-term relationships. It’s never easy, yet some couples find a way to return to each other. It’s inspiring. I see that with the right partner, there’s an opportunity for greater freedom than I’m experiencing now.

However, I needed to release the patterns I absorbed as a child. Growing up in a traumatic household, we may intellectually reject it, but our minds are already programmed. We may not want what we experienced in childhood, but we’re drawn to the familiar. I replicated my parents' toxic patterns in my relationships. It took a lot of therapy, coaching, reading, and practices like yoga and meditation to deprogram and start reprogramming myself.

From my last relationship, I realized I was as emotionally immature as my parents and attracted similarly immature partners. Mature partners didn’t work because I wasn’t ready for them. I wasn’t even attracted to them because their energy was unfamiliar to me.

I am getting closer. All this work isn’t just to be more successful in my career or a better friend, sibling, or son. I do it because I’m preparing for her. It’s hard at times, but I know it will be worth the wait when she arrives in my life, and I in hers.

I recently listened to an interview with Esther Perel where she talked about “tearless cries.” This perfectly describes my experience with sadness. Most of the time, I wish I could cry and truly release my emotions through tears. Instead, I either suppress them or try to shake them out through physical activity. But what I really want is an epic, tearful cry.

Talib Hussain 5/30/24 Talib Hussain 5/30/24

Navigating Modern Dating: Balancing the Old and the New

Today, I updated my coach on my progress. I outlined my next steps, some of which I plan to work on today. Our conversation then shifted to dating. She mentioned how we have one foot in the 20th century and the other in the 21st century, noting that many of her single clients are turning to speed dating because dating apps have become overwhelming. For women, it's because they have too many choices, and for men, it's because they don't have enough. As a heterosexual man in the dating scene, I find it difficult to navigate this mix of 20th and 21st-century expectations.

For me, I know it's best to stay in my flow, to focus on my work and path, and to meet women naturally. The difference now is my awareness of my selection process. I no longer choose from a place of trauma but from an energetic attraction that comes from my heart. I'm increasingly conscious of when I'm giving away my power and how women react to that versus when I am in my power.

Another challenge is that women might not understand how difficult it is to approach a stranger and ask them out. I can speak for myself: sometimes I feel on top of my game, in flow, and fully embodied. Other days, I feel incredibly nervous and revert to the shy, not-good-enough version of myself from my teens and twenties.

Then there's the financial aspect. Despite my accomplishments, I have a lingering feeling that it's not enough, that women wouldn't be interested in me because I lack the material success they desire. While some women may have these expectations, not all do.

Sex is another complex issue. I grew up with the programming that women's relationship with sex is different from men's. I remember Derek Sivers sharing in an interview with Tim Ferriss that it wasn't until he was 47 that he learned women enjoyed sex. This resonates with my own experience.

I'm learning to ask for what I want and to find a partner who is working on themselves, particularly on psychological and emotional growth. I want a relationship where physical and emotional intimacy are deeply intertwined. This requires courage, and many (including myself) fear opening up in this way. However, it's crucial for emotional maturity and cultivating deeper connections. The first step is acknowledgment. I recommend the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," and another book I am almost finished listening to is, "US" by Terrence Real.

On a macro level, where are women when it comes to emotions? We often hear that women are more emotional because of how their bodies work. But is there room for emotional evolution and regulation? Can they balance and find equilibrium in their emotions?

And where are men with their emotions? The idea that men are not emotional is a myth. If men express emotions, they are often met with derogatory labels. How can men evolve emotionally? How can we embrace our emotions and improve our well-being and relationships? Anger is an accepted emotion for men, but why not others? Did the divine only give men one emotion?

Another perspective is considering the energetic level. Labels like Men, Women, They, Them are physical identifiers. Most of our consciousness is at this physical layer. Below this is the energetic layer, where we move from identifying as Man or Woman to recognizing masculine and feminine energy. We all possess both energies. So, how do we cultivate masculine and feminine energy within us?

Cultivating these energies contributes to emotional evolution and deeper heart connections. What is our relationship with our hearts? Physically, the heart pumps blood. But energetically, if we are disconnected from our emotions or overwhelmed by them, is this due to a disconnection from our hearts?

Men's hearts might be closed, locking away emotions except anger. Women's hearts might be open but without filters, leading to overwhelming expressions. We need a middle ground, meeting each other where we are and becoming curious about our hearts on an energetic level. Understanding the heart's energy helps us understand its relationship with our minds, bodies, and souls.

Body (Physical) Mind (Psychological) Heart (Emotional) Soul (Spiritual)

Releasing 20th-century dating rules and embracing 21st-century dating—what does that look like? How has dating evolved? We might learn from those in their 20s, who can teach us to embrace new dating methods. While we in our 30s and 40s are split between centuries, what can we learn from younger generations? What are the new dating rules, and where should we focus our work? I believe it's the heart and emotional layers. There's work to do on the psychological layer, but it's time to dive into our hearts.

This is food for thought. I’ll leave you with this reflection: The goal is to express our souls in their purest form. Each day, we express our souls, filtered through our hearts and minds, finally manifesting physically. Spiritual bypassing is a myth because it requires shutting down the mind and heart, defeating our purpose here. Our work lies in healing our hearts and minds, creating space for our Higher Self to embody our physical form and express our soul in its purest form.

Talib Hussain 5/17/24 Talib Hussain 5/17/24

Nurturing Our Nature

I have never met a human where I thought to myself, "this soul is evil." Yes, our souls are each here for a reason; we all have some homework to do. What I do observe is the complexities of the mind which cause misery. This tangled mind impacts our hearts, triggering emotions, many times unconsciously: anger, sadness, depression.

We emphasize a lot on either the physical or the spiritual, but the root of the problem exists at the psychological and emotional level. When a person or a group has experienced trauma at a psychological level and they do not have the opportunity to heal, then that person or group will instill that trauma onto others. It will pass down the lineage until one day someone down the line says no more. Because when psychological trauma is passed down multiple generations, the behaviors and ways of being that result from this become normalized. They say, this is how it just is, this is who they are, this is nature.

Nature at one point was nurtured, which means that nature can be nurtured and transformed. This idea of nature vs nurture I would argue is a myth that each one of us needs to challenge within ourselves and learn how to transform. This act of self-observation, self-compassionate questioning is key to the evolution of the individual and humanity as a whole. Nothing is permanent. All is malleable. The "you" that awakes from sleep today is not the "you" who slept the night before. Always changing, never the same.

How does this land? Is this something that makes sense? Do you see the possibility? This knowing that you are in control, that you have the power to say no more, to stop the illusion within yourself that has been passed down through your lineage?

There is a root of human suffering. All suffering. Whether it's the Musicas of Colombia or the Metis or the Bosnians or Rwandans and now the people of Gaza, Sudan and Congo and Haiti. These seem different, but I think if we dig deep enough we will arrive at the same place: the closed minds and hearts of humanity. Once we know where the work is, we each need to know it within ourselves, then we can each have a profound impact on the world.

I invite you to look at the world in four layers. From my observation, we are either overly obsessed with the physical realm or the spiritual realm. Most of us dance between the two. But the realms which need our urgent attention in this moment are the psychological (the mind) and the emotional (the heart). Until we each make this shift, the cycle of pain will continue to show up in the physical realm and the karmic pain cycles of our own soul and the souls of our lineage will continue returning until we get it right.

The health of the seen and unseen depends on it. It's a life or death situation. We are trying to save this earth along with our souls. In order for this to happen, we need to simply begin our journey, to have awareness and start walking on the path to psychological and emotional evolution. From this evolution must be born the next revolution, as its fire will not be able to sustain without the fuel of our hearts.

If the mind and heart remain tainted, the soul will never be able to express itself in its purest form. It will always be filtered through the heart and mind prior to reaching the level of expression on the physical layer. To reach the purest expression of the soul, one must purify and heal one's mind and heart.

Talib Hussain 5/15/24 Talib Hussain 5/15/24

Branches Are Not Enough

Dragged in. Born in. Forgotten what was and what could be, that there was and still is another way.

What we continue to see, that which is happening in Gaza is not much different than what this human is sharing, or what happened to the indigenous in South America or North America or the so called war in Iraq and so many more places that I don't know about.

What would these places have looked like if Europeans, British and now North Americans didn't kill for resources that I/we benefit from? What would our fate be here in Canada?

I've been reflecting a lot on the root. All these atrocities. They look, sound, smell and taste the same. Until we identify the root, no matter how many times we cut it down the branches will always return.

Talib Hussain 5/5/24 Talib Hussain 5/5/24

Rooting and Rising

Expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same.

It's a new journal, and today is a new day. In a few hours at 11:30 am, I pick up the keys to my apartment. Of course, I wonder if it's the right choice for me. At this moment, I need to rest and strengthen my body and mind. More my body. I need to heal it. To do this, it's nice to root down, be close to family, and focus on building and creating without getting caught up in the energy of Toronto.

If I can today after my move, I'll get into nature, even High Park for some time. It's not the same as getting out of the city, but I chose to be here, so I need to find my spots.

I want to make my new place as cozy as possible.

I have something going on in my head and mind when it comes to dating. This is the deeper and more subtle heart wound within me. It's a ride internally. I'm aware of it. This is a good first step to healing myself, but it's a deep wound and very old. I don't know its source. I still need to get to the root. This erratic mind is triggered by a part of me that doesn't want to feel this way.

So instead it wants me to consume all types of media, spend money, give away my power, have drinks, eat food that dampens my energy. Always moving. It doesn't want this stillness like this moment. Cloudy, rainy day, birds chirping. Akira Kosemura playing softly in the background. Yesterday, I pitched my first podcast, and my insides became all constricted, and I was having trouble breathing.

I thought of taking my inhaler but knew I didn't need it. I needed to be with this constriction. Instead, I went for a walk within 15 to 20 minutes. My insides began to relax. I could breathe normally again. There's a fear inside of me. I've been writing and sharing from the sidelines out of the public eye.

Sure, I dip my toes in the water now and then, but I'm yet to jump into the pool.

Talib Hussain 5/3/24 Talib Hussain 5/3/24

To Adore and be Adored

I went on a date last night. I wasn't feeling it going in, but I kept an open mind. She's sweet. I'm taking things slow, and by slow, I mean no sex. Once sex happens, especially before emotional exploration and understanding, it becomes difficult for me. I think it's best to just spend time getting to know her and the other women I date.

I'm allowing everything to unfold naturally, with no assumptions about the other person. I'm just being myself. I was myself yesterday. We went for a couple of drinks at Old Town Bodega, a cute place I used to frequent when I lived in the area.

I woke up a little anxious about how much money I spent, but I chose to cover the night. I'm sure she would have covered the drinks, but the bill came while she was in the washroom, and I paid for it.

Once I got going this morning and during prayer, I shifted my narrative and my story. Money is energy. My money is an extension of my energy. If I'm going to find a lifetime partner, I need to be willing to invest my energy into it. You get out what you put in.

This shift in my internal narrative brought me peace. I also know that when I feel anxious, it's temporary. Nothing is permanent. This mindset has profoundly shifted how I move through the world and how the energies and emotions flow within me. They are always fleeting, never permanent.

Now, the second date: what's next? What do I want? I like her. She's physically attractive. She's a medical doctor—intelligent, aware of others, and caring. She has all the positive qualities: she travels, eats healthily.

Interestingly, a recent conversation between Tim Ferriss and Kevin Rose on The Random Show stuck with me. Tim discussed dating and posed a question to himself: "Do I admire her, or do I respect her? Do we admire each other, or do we respect each other?" This resonated deeply. I respect many people in my life, perhaps even most. But those closest to me, the ones I truly love, I also deeply admire. Respect is important, but admiration feels like a whole other level. It's a helpful distinction for evaluating future dates and searching for a long-term partner.

I would add one more thing. I want a partner I adore and who adores me in return. Everything else on my list can be set aside, except for a few core values. If our values align but one or both of us don't admire and adore each other, I believe it would be difficult to go the distance.

Talib Hussain 5/2/24 Talib Hussain 5/2/24

Upward Spiral

I slept well—a good eight hours. Today was a meditation day. I needed to move energy—a lot of it. I have a meeting with the team at 10:30 am. Lots of movement. I feel a lot of energy in my heart. It's not anxiousness, more like a feeling of creation, getting things done kind of energy. I'm building, creating, imagining, and engaging with myself and others in the city. This energy, however, needs to be moved and distributed. It needs to be shared with others, and the world, but it needs to be put into your work, both with Sychem and Ever Evolving.

This is a new feeling. In the past, if I felt anxiety, it was in my solar plexus area. The sense of good enough or not good enough lives there in this place. For much of my life, I operated from a place of "I'm not good enough," and the anxiety that came with that drove me to a land of good enough, but I didn't arrive at the place I wanted because I was trying to do it by obtaining external belongings. So instead of getting to a different destination, I would go in circles, only to end up at the same place once the external item that made me feel good (a shirt, a car, a job) ran out. All external possessions and achievements have an expiry date on the feel-good factor.

Round and round I went on this karmic merry-go-round until I began to understand that I need to go inward. It's also not about walking a straight path like religion may imply. It's more like a spiral to slowly move upward. At times, the climb can be exhausting, and so you stop to rest, reset, and nurture yourself.

Then with time, the voices within will let you know that it's time to climb again, but instead, we get so comfortable and cozy that we stop moving altogether. This is tough because we return to the circular life. This has many side effects on all levels within and without.

I'm resting, strengthening, and rooting, but I'm also climbing, moving up the spiral not with my body or my mind, but from my heart and spirit.

Talib Hussain 3/26/24 Talib Hussain 3/26/24

Embodiment

Happiness. I am feeling so blessed and grateful in this moment. I am fully embodied in this moment. This is what it felt like after the third medicine ceremony with Juan last year in Peru, just an incredible amount of happiness and feelings of deep gratitude. This is how we are supposed to feel. This is our natural state. So how did we get so lost? We made a wrong turn somewhere along this journey. You know, I am beginning to believe there is a devil and he is sharp. You are sharp my friend. You knew where to go to get the results you needed. You slithered your way into the institutions responsible for guiding us toward the path to fully unobstructed embodiment.

I'm in a beautiful emotional state today. You know when the flow of the ocean is just perfect? Is it dancing to its internal melody with softness and ease? It's how my insides feel at this moment. I have been learning to simply be an observer of the emotions, not to act on them and more importantly not to suppress them. Simply allowing them to be.

Yes, that’s the beauty of embodiment, we can be two in one. I can be in an emotionally activated environment and be the watcher, being present to the external and the internal without reaction.

The teachings of Nepal. So many come here to trek the mountains and learn meditation, I have met many who are sitting in their first 10-day Vipassana course. They are climbing mountains within and without. What a gift to witness this beautiful evolution of humanity. It plants seeds of hope inside my heart.

I came to be, simply to receive the gifts that come my way. I'm neither trekking inside nor outside. Simply just being open. I experience that which comes my way and I meet the people that I am meant to cross paths with and when I am lucky, I meet some soul family on the way. It's a depth that I have no words for, it only can be expressed with the purest of tears and the joyous waves of laughter.

Wordless knowing.

Talib Hussain 2/12/24 Talib Hussain 2/12/24

I Am Nothing and Everything

I am nothing and everything. I belong to no culture and all cultures, to no religion and all religions, to no colour and all colours, I have no boundaries, no limitations. Spirituality has no walls for me, mosque, church, ashram, temples, for me they are all homes of worship. But it is not that God is found in these places, it is the energy of prayer, of rituals, that we cultivate.

When I step into one of these structures it is not to connect with God. I have the mountains and rivers for that. When I walk into these structures, I'm there to connect with the prayers of others, the ones before, the ones present and the ones soon to come.

As we continue to dissolve the barriers within our minds, these minds will become bridges between spirit and body. When we dissolve the barriers in our minds we will no longer see difference, we will only feel the love that flows through each one of us.

If your religion builds walls, separates, and cultivates guilt and shame then this is the cue for you to question, this is the moment to realize that you are further away from divinity, from the God you seek. There is no guilt and shame for that which is pure.

There is light and dark however, we are opposites. To live we require the friction that comes with them, wisdom arises from the weaving of these two, to be able to exist in the intersection. It is not the blue pill or the red pill, left or right, dark or light, it is all, to intertwine within, to surrender to the reality of opposites and only then individual and collective suffering will stop.

They know to divide and conquer, but they don't start out there, they begin with you. Each one of us has the power to intertwine the opposites within us, this is where power and freedom is birthed, in embracing the whole, your whole.

We all are here for a reason, all religions are here for a reason. There is no one way, there is only full embrace and enmeshment of all.

Talib Hussain 2/5/24 Talib Hussain 2/5/24

A One-Sided Romance

This is me a month ago, on a 7-hour boat ride from Ibiza to Valencia, Spain. I am writing from the airport. Time goes by so fast. I fell in love with Valencia. Usually, when I fall in love with a place it has a lot to do with the people I connect with and deep friendships formed. But that didn't happen. I simply fell in love with the city itself. They say that the people here are closed, but I don't think that's it, they simply don't need anything more than what they have. They seem to enjoy each day and each other whether at the gym, running in Turia Park, riding their bikes and scooters on their very efficiently designed bike paths (Toronto can learn a lot from this city), drinking wine, or eating fresh and delicious food. The most beautiful thing I observed was kids playing everywhere. The sounds of children playing add a lightness to a city. It even made me reflect on the possibility of having a family of my own. This is the first time I have felt the desire in a long time.

I returned to Spain after 22 years. It had an incredible impact on me back then and once again it has inspired me. I am leaving Valencia healthier in mind, body and spirit. 22 years ago I learned that I can be on my own and cultivate connections regardless of where I am. It was around the same time I was starting to meditate. This time around, when I arrived in Valencia I decided (after 20-plus years) to stop meditating. I wanted to know who I was without this. How would I show up in the world?

What I want for this 47th year of this incarnation is to connect more with the physical layer, to strengthen my body and to experience the world and all its beings via a new lens. Meditation has been a medicine for me but somewhere along the line I started using it as an escape and instead of processing my emotions I was nearly tucking them away into little drawers within. I was also using meditation to stay softer and quieter and keep my internal fire on low.

Spain is a place that seems to know how to hold space for me. Funny how different lands offer such unique gifts.

Gracias Valencia, gracias España. Hopefully it won't be another 22 years before I return.

Next stop Nepal.

Talib Hussain 1/30/24 Talib Hussain 1/30/24

The Day of Judgment

The day of judgement. What does it look like? I release the idea of God or a divine being as the judge of this incarnation of mine. On the other side awaits a mirror with my history of this life left behind. What did I do well? Where did I fuck up? Did I accomplish what I came here to do? Do I need to return for another round or am I good? This spirit of mine will be both the giver and receiver of judgment. I am responsible for all my choices, the beautiful and not-so-beautiful.

My body is the holy land, my spirit is the Messiah and the Mahdi. That which we await to arrive is waiting for us to create space so that it may enter.

This idea that there is some external being that will arrive and save us all is comedic. Even if this were true, do we think that with the current state of the collective mind, we would even recognize such an enlightened being? Why can't we simply be content with the enlightened ones who have already paid a visit? Ahhh, I get it, once the next one comes, then we will get our act together. Makes complete sense.

Always waiting for the next to make our move toward a better and healthier way of being, where all can flourish. There is no next. There is only this moment.

Talib Hussain 1/24/24 Talib Hussain 1/24/24

Today's Sky

Today's sky. Not all skies are this clear. Seems simple, to look up and witness this beauty. We are all here, on this planet, in these bodies, yet not all of us can look up and take delight in the sky above. Not all of us can turn on the tap and drink the water. Many of us don't even have a tap. I know it's 2024 but I'm not done reflecting on 2023.

It's odd, this entire talk of AI and its potential dangers. What will these robots do? Will they be racists? Kill the innocent? Pollute our waters? Instill a caste system so some can rise while others are put in their ‘place’? Will they destroy the planet or increase child labour or human trafficking? Will they instill more guilt and shame than our religious institutions program within us? Will there be a rise in mental illness? Will more women be forced into the sex trade? Commit genocides? I'm not sure the fears that people carry about technology are valid. Maybe the problem isn't technology but the evolution or lack thereof of humanity and our false idea of morality.

Part of me remains optimistic because of the humans I've been fortunate to engage with during my 47 years in this incarnation. There are shifts happening at a root level but there are also illnesses within the roots of our minds, our hearts closed and our sights narrow. We still think that we are different from one another because of our religion or our culture. A false idea of divinity. We are so concerned about the afterlife that we are completely missing this life. This gift. This opportunity. What a blessing we are squandering away.

It's enough already. We cannot impact our political institutions without being honest about our multi-billion dollar religious institutions and their impact or lack thereof and their role in manipulating the human mind and heart for the sake of power and control.

So close yet so fucking far.

Talib Hussain 1/8/24 Talib Hussain 1/8/24

Bucket List

I have never considered myself a "bucket list" person, or maybe I just never thought about it that way. Yesterday, I took a ferry from Ibiza to Valencia. Originally planned as a journey from Ibiza to Denia, with a bus connecting to Valencia, the rough weather led to the cancellation of my 8:00 am ferry to Denia. Instead, I was re-routed to a 1:00 pm larger ferry directly to Valencia. While this eliminated an extra step, it also extended my travel day. Kathryn left earlier for her flight to Mallorca at 9:30 am. I opted for a taxi to the Marina at 11:00 am, costing me 50 euros – a hefty sum. At that moment, I questioned my decision, considering that a flight might have been a more economical choice. My mind tends to keep me on my toes, always second-guessing my decisions. However, in the grand scheme of things, reaching my destination matters most. This marked my second ferry trip in two weeks, the first being from Tangier to Tarifa—a bucket list item I didn't know I had, mirroring Santiago's journey in "The Alchemist" but in the opposite direction, from Tarifa to Tangier.

Boarding the ship, I realized I no longer had a seat. This sizable vessel, almost resembling a mini hotel, parking for cars, seats, and rooms. Those bound for Denia, including myself, were relegated to cafeteria seating. The thought crossed my mind again—maybe I should have booked a flight. The 7-8 hour journey felt taxing, especially after a night of poor sleep.

Ibiza Apartment

Leaving this beautiful oasis in about 30 minutes, I reflect on my last moments here. Last night's poor sleep, was attributed to me resting on the couch by the fireplace, amidst the wind, waves, and starlit sky—beautiful and invigorating. Stress surfaced about my upcoming stay in Valencia. The place, though filled with light, is coated white for privacy. Regrets about not booking the other place crept in, but upon reevaluation, both have their pros and cons. In the grand scheme, this place has everything I need, teaching me to create a home wherever I am. FOMO lingers, surprising me with internal dialogue. Another voice appears, criticizing me as "stupid, Talib." I attribute this to recent conversations with my friend about insecurities, bringing to light my inside voices. I decide to go down to the sea, smoke a Mapacho to cleanse, and spend time by the wild sea, to leave all that no longer serves either of us into the sea to cleanse.

The Journey to Valencia

A nap in the cafeteria, alongside neighbours—a young kid on one side, a couple on the other, and myself, the older guy in the middle on diner-style seats—helped pass the time. The rocky ride for the initial hours made walking on the ship challenging. I managed to get an espresso and hot water for cacao but eventually laid down, using my backpack as a pillow, and napped for about 30-40 minutes. Waking up refreshed, I wrote a bit more but then headed to the terrace, where a moment of gratitude swept through me. The sheer beauty of the human construction against the Balearic Sea, surrounded by mountains, left my inner child in awe. Spending time there, I realized the terrace offered an experience I would have missed with a flight. This appreciation for landscapes is why I prefer buses, trains, and boats. I want to see the world from below, cultivating intimacy with the lands I traverse.

Part of my bucket list was fulfilled as I stepped onto the terrace. I've always wanted to travel on a ship of this size during the day. There was a similar experience when my dad and I traveled from Bari, Italy, to Dubrovnik, Croatia, but mostly at night.

Maybe having a bucket list is healthy for the soul—a dream list. As I form new habits and release old ones in this new land where nobody knows me, I contemplate who I want to be now. What new dreams do I want to create atop the dream I am already living?

Layered dreams.

Talib Hussain 1/5/24 Talib Hussain 1/5/24

The Joyful Design

I think what happened yesterday morning would be considered my firefighters in action according to IFS model. The plus from yesterday, I didn't shut down or fight, I stayed quiet and was a conscious observer of my behaviour after being triggered. Many emotions were running through me yesterday.

In meditation this morning I had a memory arise to the surface, the type of fights we would have in our house growing up. Many times, we would be getting ready to attend a family party and for some reason or the other a fight would erupt between my parents, and one would decide not to go, get undressed and stay home. This would lead to awkwardness on the way to the party because upon arrival you had to explain to others that your mom or dad is not well.

Yesterday’s experience, although I allowed myself to get triggered, irritated and communicated in an unhealthy way towards her I remained grounded. She was being herself, not trying to harm or upset you. You grew up in an OCD household when someone doesn't clean up or do something in a way that makes sense in your mind, like not running the dishwasher or washing the dishes when they said they would (this was me as a kid and I would get in trouble all the time!), I get triggered, behaving with others as my parents behaved and responded to me.

There is another part. I have this idea that people should just know, and recognize that this person washed the dishes, ran the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and is using it now, to wait till they are done. That’s nice to have but it’s not always there. It takes time. Due to the way I was raised, I have an acute sensitivity to things not being the way they are 'supposed' to be according to internal programs. The positive takeaway from yesterday’s experience, I didn't shut down despite parts of me wanting to. Instead, I took deep breaths in the bathroom, came out and apologized. Certainly, room for improvement my apologies but a good start. I also was waiting for her to leave without me, instead, she had sent me a text,

"I'm ready when you are", a sign of an emotionally mature human being.

That’s something that I want to shift as well. Not everyone is going to respond to your triggers and reactions by leaving or yelling or by punishing you in some way, physically, mentally, or emotionally. They still want to be in your life and won't cut you off because they recognize that it’s just a moment and it will pass.

Appreciate her softness towards my cranky little guy.

She let go, happy, dancing and singing in the car. I was admittedly not there to meet her. I was grumpy and closed but not in the darkness, allowing my triggered parts to settle and return when they are ready. My Self being aware, both of my parts and this human beside me who is freaking out some of my parts with all her fun and joy.

It's kind of ridiculous, she is having the best time and there is a part or parts of you that are uncomfortable with joy, fun and happiness. It's rare for you to drop in fully. That’s where alcohol is helpful or other substances. Even espresso or a good treat is a shot of fun for you but pure fun and joy without consuming anything, that is something I want to experience on a more consistent basis in my life. I hope one day joy flows as naturally as my breath.

We are designed to breathe. We are designed to be joyful.

Talib Hussain 1/4/24 Talib Hussain 1/4/24

Returning to Pleasure

Feeling better this morning. Last night and this morning I had some long mediation sessions. It's not about reaching some spiritual state but seeing where my body and mind are in this moment and seeing where I can bring it some healing. My left side needs some tender attention. This morning my thoughts were active. I keep thinking about this couple that I met in Tamraught, Morocco. They lived in Switzerland, the man originally from Argentina and the woman from the Netherlands. They were a beautiful couple, their energy radiant. Something about them and me, the energy between the three of us. It was sweet. I'm sure if we had more time together it would be a deep bond like Maria and Gerry or Evan and Linz or Emily or my buddy Benoit whom I met a few years back. All in all, the meditation this morning was nice, I didn't fight the thoughtful rambling that was happening. Someone inside had something to say and that's okay with me. I let them play and be in their comfort zones for some time. Soon we will all return to the roles that we came here to play.

Last night she invited me to explore beyond her lips and breast. She gave me and herself permission. Although it was me giving, I was also receiving. There is so much energy in a woman's flower and when she orgasms and opens fully it is a gift for both of us. Mother nature at her finest.

I feel good this morning. It's been the first time in 18 months since I got this intimate with a woman. She has grown a lot. She is a little hard on herself, but she is not far from a place of more peace and internal freedom. Emotions drive her mind and her mind in turn drives her body. This is not just her of course, this is all beings. We all function this way, driven by our emotions, the root of all our actions.

Emotions -> Mind -> Body

Feel - > Think -> Express

Where are my emotions? What emotions drive me to create more? What emotions am I allowing myself (or not) to feel? I'm struggling with expression at the physical layer. My mind is going more inside than outside, my emotions are impacting my mind in a way that keeps it more insular. The three, mind body and spirit have a three-way dance with each other. What emotions are driving your behaviour? How are your emotions driving this behaviour and what can we do to change this? When were you most in flow with sharing your work?

Creativity, sexuality, and spirituality are intertwined. When one is suppressed, the others have a hard time expressing themselves.

Talib Hussain 12/14/23 Talib Hussain 12/14/23

Shalom Alaykoum, Salam Lekoulam

On Tuesday after spending time at the ocean I went to Bayt Dakira, a Synagogue and museum displaying the history of the Moroccan Jews.

I learned that during World War II the King of Morocco took steps to protect Moroccan Jews from Vichy persecution. I first learned this from my Uber driver in Virginia. He was from Morocco, born in Casablanca. We chatted for an hour outside of my cousin's driveway, a couple of weeks before my departure to Morocco.

May the words blow reach your hearts and minds, let them be the antifreeze to our foggy windows so that we may all see beyond that which is in front of us. I pray we continue to separate the actions of religious and political institutions, and their desire to separate us for the sake of profits and power for a few. Yesterday our focus was Russia and Ukraine. Today it is Israel and Palestine (again), tomorrow it will be another two countries, and most will forget our calls for peace and only remember the hate in our hearts for one another.

Bayt Dakira, Synagogue and Museum (translated from Arabic to English using Google Translate):

<<Bayt Dakira” has assigned itself this mission, this duty of memory. At the heart of a three-dimensional space, spirituality with the Slat Attia synagogue, memory and history with Bayt Dakira and science with the Haïm Zafrani Research Center to revisit the history of Islam-Judaism relations, she intends tell, present, testify. Tell this unique and exemplary story, present its most exhilarating chapters and its most contrasting pages, and finally bear witness to this spirit. Because there was a spirit of Mogador, or a breath if you prefer. Lively and powerful as shown by the exceptional successes, over time in Morocco and throughout the world, of the Souirie Jewish diaspora.

"Anti-Semitism is the antonym of freedom"

In fact, racism in general and anti-Semitism in particular are not opinions at all. Anti-Semitism is the antonym of freedom of expression. It manifests the negation of the Other and constitutes the admission of a failure, of an insufficiency, of an inability to coexist.

However, the battle against these scourges cannot be improvised. This fight has a name: education (...)

The history of Moroccan Jews is a very eloquent illustration of this. Carried by the Sultans and Kings of Morocco, it is the story of a crossed destiny and a historical continuity which has, at all times, considered the Jews as Moroccan citizens having the same equal and complete rights as their brothers. Muslims.

This is the image we want to draw in the minds of our children. It is this heritage that we want to leave to them. And it is this message of peace that we have come to deliver, by giving education the place of choice that it unanimously deserves.

Excerpts from the Message of HM King Mohammed VI to participants in the UNESCO Summit on "The power of education to prevent racism and discrimination: the case of anti-Semitism". (New York, September 26, 2018)

Faith in life, faith in humans

In these times of withdrawal where points of reference are blurred and disarray dominates, it is imperative to remember that this was possible. It was possible to live together while remaining ourselves. It was possible to recognize difference and establish its respect as a rule of life. It was possible and if it was, then it can be again. Shalom Alaykoum, Salam Lekoulam. The embers are still hot, just waiting to be rekindled. So that hope can be reborn. So that faith can be rekindled. Faith in life, faith in humans.

Shalom Alaykoum, Salam Lekoulam

Listen. Do you hear them? Do you hear these children's laughter that punctuates the night.

Starry? Crackling like living water, they fill the narrow streets with their echoes.

Listen up, it was yesterday, just yesterday, and Essaouira-Mogador remembers. She remembers this time of fraternity, this market square occupied by a joyful crowd. It's the Mimouna. Jews and Muslims invaded the streets and squares of Mogador, together, by the hundreds, by the thousands. Hearts are jubilant, houses open, tables generous and the neighbour king. Essaouira-Mogador likes to do things in its own special and unique way. She wanted her sons united by a common history. A history made of successive contributions, of stones deposited

Over the centuries by all the civilizations which have fertilized this rebellious point of land. And so many of them nourished the silt that Sidi Mohamed Ben Abdallah could not hope for better soil for his city-world. Because that’s what Mogador was, for more than a century. A city magnetized by the distant horizon, open to others and which welcomes, adds and never rejects. The foreigner feels at home there, each Mogadorian, in his own way, coming from elsewhere. Extremely rare in Islam, Moroccans of Jewish faith formed the majority of the Souiri population in the 19th century. They live alongside Muslims in exceptional proximity. This serene coexistence permeates Souiri Judaism, a Judaism of the spirit and not of the letter, bathed in spirituality and open to the universal, like this city swept by the sea air.

Ronit Elkabetz

She still had so much to give, so much to say. Like an incandescent star that irradiates the sky before disappearing, Ronit Elkabetz passed away at the peak of her career. Carried away by cancer. She was only 51 years old.

"Those who live are those who struggle" she declared. Actress and screenwriter Ronit Elkabetz excelled in the interpretation of rebellious female characters. Intense eyes, ivory skin and jet-black hair, Ronit carried her origins across his shoulder. Her flamboyant beauty resembled that of her ancestors from Mogador.

From the City of Trade Winds, Ronit inherited the cultural tradition, which she strongly claimed. “Arab culture is in our blood, in our cuisine, our music and our language,” she said, recounting that, when she was a child, “her family gathered every Friday afternoon to watch an Egyptian film.”

Arriving in cinema in 1990, she co-wrote and co-directed with her younger brother, Schlomi, a trilogy built around the story of her parents. The main thread is Viviane, a woman in search of emancipation whose character is directly inspired by her mother, a hairdresser in Mogador.

In Israel where Ronit returned to live in 2000, she said “I live in the heart of the old city of Jaffa because it brings the two communities together closely... It is important for me to share my daily life with that of the Palestinians.".

From Mogador, Ronit not only inherited the beauty of it's women. She also had a taste for the other and a militant quest for peace which never left her.

Talib Hussain 12/5/23 Talib Hussain 12/5/23

Pee Pee In Your Poo Poo

Christians have committed a lot of atrocities in the name of God, but it was never God or Jesus, that was the cover. It was always money. From gold to oil. From the indigenous in Colombia (read Wade Davis's Magdalena) to the Iraqis in Iraq. The Israel and Palestine war is the same. In the end, it's about money. We must ask ourselves the question, why does Christian America have such an interest in Israel? What is their intention, most importantly what are they gaining from this? America's economy is greatly dependent on unrest and wars because wars are profitable on multiple fronts, and weapons are the obvious one.

As Canadians, we are understanding more and more as each day passes what was done to the indigenous here. I want to suggest that it is no different than what is being done to the Palestinians at this moment. I get that some people will come up with all types of reasons why it's different. But it's not, history will continue to repeat itself until we get to the root of traumas on both individual and collective levels. I will defer to Dr. Gabor Mate and others in this sphere who are doing incredible work.

As for politics, I want to say this because it feels good, fuck politicians. Ok, this is not helpful, I know that but really, this is not what government was meant to be or maybe it was. I don't know what the alternative is but if anything needs to be wiped out it's the manufacturer who is producing all these politicians, along with their ideologies. That's the first step then it's time to clean house in the business world and return to ethics. To move from the profits over people model to the people and profit model (note this is counter to the ones who profit on war, one cannot live with the other). People and profit would mean peace, balance, and the basics for all. This is possible.

Deepak Chopra sums it up well in the DOAC podcast, “Medieval Minds with 21st Century Weapons”. We have evolved our technology, but we have not evolved the individual and collective mind. We are still holding on to old technology within and we need an upgrade.

As for the Muslim world and their role aka complacency and quite frankly responsibility for the Palestinian's situation, they have blood on their hands as much as the American and Israeli governments. If we don't acknowledge this then Muslims will continue to pay the price. Iraq, Syria, Yemen, Palestine...the list is long.

Whether you like or dislike what I am saying is irrelevant to me. I know one thing for certain, the collective human mind at this moment is not well, I know that in many parts of the world, our hearts are closed and in pain particularly in the Western world, it is an illness within the mind, we are spreading this illness throughout the world. I say we because my taxes are certainly going towards messing another up. I don't know, but I am sure they aren't just going towards seasonal road maintenance.

It's easy to say it's complicated. I am complicit as well here, but the truth is it's not complicated. If we dare to open our eyes and be honest, first with ourselves, the world within and then the world without. Do you want to know the truth? Cancel all media for a month or two and the truth will come. You can't upgrade your mind if you keep filling it with shit just like you can't get physically healthy if you eat fast food three times a day.

Lastly, organized religion is completely disorganized. I would like to say it's lost its way, but I question whether it even knew the way. It is time in my opinion to un-organize and stray away from organized religion and use whatever scriptures and spiritual practices you are called to and go deeper within. Stop the building of all external temples and begin to connect with your and your family's internal temple. This was always the whole point of religion and the prophets and saints that we were gifted. They were far from perfect, but they gained wisdom and what they all tried to do was to encourage us to go within, because that path to God is not 'out there', to know divinity is to know oneself. We come from a source therefore we are source.

But the politicians and religious leaders have intertwined to such an extent that we can't tell anymore who is running the show and who is fucking who. Maybe they take turns. Who knows. Listen if they like to put their pee-pees in each other's poo poos that's fine but the moment it starts interfering with my Zen is when I'm out.

We talk about all the people in the world starving. Children are dying people with no water. Yet we can't zoom out as the so-called educated and reflect for a moment and ask the question of what amount of money is required to run all the mosques and churches in the world. Put aside all the other temples for now, just use your imagination or maybe chat GPT or Google. Whatever it is, take a guess. Then find places in the world that don't have food and water and calculate what would it cost to get them food and water. Hey, I'm not talking foie gras here, just the basics like water, rice, lentils and bread. We can focus on the fruits and veggies later. If you're like Talib, how will I ever calculate this? Honestly, if you don't know how to ship something from one place to another then you are not being a very effective human. Call one of the shipping companies. Calculate what you would need to do to get a bag of rice, lentils, and water to an area of your choice and times it by 365 days. There is your cost. This will be on the high end, but the point of this exercise is to compare it to the cost of maintaining all of the churches and mosques.

Another thing to ponder if you haven't already. Why does America always talk about democracy but in the rest of the world they seemingly prefer to support right-wing anti-democratic governments? Do they want a democratic world or just a democratic West?

One more thing for now. Someone once said to me trauma leaves a trail. I think she was referring to the person I was dating at the time, but I began to reflect on the trail of trauma that I have been leaving in my life. Until I heal myself and become conscious of all the nooks and crannies that need attention, I will leave an unpleasant trail, often but not always a painful trail of my history with others. I wouldn't do this consciously of course but healing takes time.

Whether it was physical, psychological, emotional, or even spiritual, maybe it's a little bit of all four layers which doesn't matter because trauma at any one layer will also impact the other three.

I'm talking about individual trauma but the same applies to a group of people. If they don't heal their trauma the group will then pass on their trauma to others and in the process they deepen their trauma or at minimum prolong its effects, meanwhile, there is now an entirely new group of people who have been traumatized and if there is any of them left they will then traumatize others or choose to heal but to heal they need space and the traumatizer needs to stop traumatizing and begin their healing process.

There are many parts to this post. One can pick one area and go down a rabbit hole for days. What I want to get across here is that it is all interconnected. It's not a piece-by-piece solution. The core of it all is injustice and for us to reach a more just and fairer world which means, food on everyone's table, clothes over their backs and a roof over their heads to start then we can bring in things like education which because of technology will be easier than 50 years ago for example. We need to look at all of it and together get to the root. I believe we need a new way of looking at things because what we are doing now is not working.

Yes, those in power do not want to change the status quo, this is what feeds the root of the problem, and it's who is perpetuating injustices in this world. But I believe the rich can be rich and everyone can still have food and water. The atrocities are not because of rich people, it's because of greedy people and because of those who are hungry for power. On the religious side, there is still a centuries old religious war going on, it just got a makeover which is why we can’t recognize it.