Time is a Trickster

Land the plane, aka the mind, on the page.

It wants to be in the skies, but it is down here where its services are required.

Tap in, but do not be seduced by its grandeur.

You come from there to here, so be here.

Acknowledge and respect the desire of your soul to experience that moment in time.

Time is a trickster. There is less of it than you know, and the spaceship is moving faster than you can imagine.

Respect the soul. It is the reason you are here.

This YOU is once in a lifetime. You will perhaps return once again, but the next journey will be or could be, with new companions.

So enjoy the ones who are journeying with you now.

The ones that were, the ones that are, and the ones still to come.

A Moment of Reflection

At the Hart House for an R&B concert.

I feel like I need to be here, but I’m looking for some guidance, something more than just this déjà vu feeling.

What is this?

Is there anything I need to do beyond what I’m already doing in this moment?

Simply be as you are.

I am.

Your heart.

How is your heart in this moment?

Are you happy with your choice to come to this event tonight?

I feel a little emotional when I sense this feeling.

You know the one I’m talking about?

Like I’ve been here before, or that I’m exactly where I need to be?

Is that it? Is that the story for this evening?

Listen to music and go home?

Seems like a small ending to such a big feeling, doesn’t it?

“Beauty of artists is to seek for truth. Each note is a search for truth.”

I can relate.

For me, each word is my way of searching for the truth.

Searching for the truth from within.

It’s 10:45 now. The concert’s over.

I saw the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while.

I liked her energy; she naturally embodied the feminine.

Her smile shines as brightly as the ring on her finger.

The kind that lights up every room she enters.

How Long Has it Been?

Staying small. Thinking small. Caught up in mundane thoughts.

Are you staying in your own shadow? Still don’t want to be seen? Still want to fly under the radar? What would it feel like to live above it?

Is there a connection between the freeze-and-flight response in the search for love and the hesitation in sharing your work? Do both require the same flavour of vulnerability and openness?

Why do I freeze when people see me? When they show genuine love for my work and way of being?

I recoil, uncertain.

Who benefits from staying small? From thinking small? From being caught up in mundane thoughts? What are these mundane thoughts?

Staying in the shadow is tempting; it’s the home of the exiled. But what parts have been exiled? What parts are yearning to rise to the surface, to sip the air of wind, to feel the heat of the sun and the light of the moon?

How long has it been?

It feels like lifetimes.

Living with an Open Broken Heart

I once heard a wise woman say that Buddhists live with an open broken heart. That sentiment stayed with me, and it’s what I strive for most today. My first test came unexpectedly, like a punch in the gut followed by an aching heart. Love takes many forms, but one thing they all have in common is that it hurts when it leaves.

I’ve realized I have anxiety about people leaving. It wasn’t something I considered until my ex pointed it out. My anxiety stems from the fact that the people I loved, and who should have loved me—who do love me—have left. Sometimes, they’ve left multiple times.

After my first love didn’t work out, I shut my heart completely. But the truth is, there wasn’t much effort needed in locking it up because I had already kept most of it on lockdown. Occasionally, I’d open it to take a peek at what could be, but mostly it was closed. It was a defence mechanism, a result of broken trust.

Whether rational or not, in my mind, trust had been broken. I didn’t feel like I mattered, so people would leave or make decisions that didn’t consider me. That’s been my reality, perhaps even since birth.

Today, though, I kept a promise I made to myself back in the summer of 2014. I committed to living with an open broken heart. I know it hurts right now, but I also know it’s the same pain that’s opening my heart a little wider. It’s the same pain that increases my capacity to love. It’s a pain that reminds me I’m starting to feel again.

Why people come into our lives is a mystery. But when you live from this place of openness, it’s a mystery worth exploring—and staying open to—now and forever.

I’ve come to realize that my journey in this lifetime, my greatest challenge, is to love and to be loved. Compared to that, everything else feels like a walk in the park.

I don’t know how this story ends, but one thing is certain: sadness is just a step closer to happiness.

To be continued...

Watching Over Everything...

I observe and search for my place in this world—or even just this city I call home. Born and raised in Toronto, I’ve had an abundance of friends, yet at one point or another, we drift apart. No path is better or worse than the other; each is just different, played out by the choices we make—or more so, by the choices we don’t. I dance between moments spent in the company of others and those filled with the company of myself, thinking, dreaming, and brainstorming about the next possible steps forward (or, in some cases, backward).

Where will I go from here? So many times in my life, I could have stopped and set up a permanent camp. I’ve lived enough. No need for more experiences and growth. But something always pulls me forward, compelling me to keep climbing Maslow’s ladder. It’s a challenge because I also yearn, almost daily, for a loving partner in my life. Perhaps I need someone who’s willing to live a similar journey, to walk a parallel path with me. A partner with a pull of her own, someone who moves forward when the lessons of the present have been learned.

I dream big—of travelling the world, working from every corner, and impacting everyone I meet with my words, my labor, my hugs, and my energy. I want to lift and inspire others to explore their authenticity, to share their light—because it’s their birthright. I have dreams of having a greater impact on this world, and what better time to do it than now, in a world so interconnected? The impact you and I can have by sharing our light is enormous. I don’t know exactly how it got to this point, but I know we have the ability to stop, restart, and begin fresh today. We have it in us.

Each person who can take a moment to drop into the present has the power to stop, restart, and begin again. We control the volume of the impact we want to make in this world.

Right now, individuals from all corners of this Earth are turning up their volume. It’s happening.

Open your heart. Close your eyes and listen to your heartbeat. Imagine holding a key—a key that unlocks a lock, releasing chains from gigantic doors, the kind you’d find at the entrance of a castle. Picture the chains falling, the doors swinging wide open, and your light shining through. Imagine that light swirling around you, wrapping around your body, filling the room you’re in. Share it with those you love. And then share it with those you don’t. Silently. You don’t have to say anything; you don’t even have to see them. Just hold them in your thoughts, imagining sharing this heart-open energy with them.

Those you think are least deserving of your love are the ones who need it the most. I’ll say that again because it’s essential if humanity is going to collectively evolve. I know it’s hard to love those you don’t connect with or those who’ve hurt you, but doing so will have a profound impact on you, those around you, and inevitably, the world.

To change the world, remember: those you think are least deserving of your love need it the most.