Speechless Love

The ability to elevate and motivate one another without words.

She gave him strength, while he gave her breadth.

An open heart does wonders. He is beginning to feel again.

He imagines what it would be like to hold her, to feel her energy.

There’s such a difference between pure love and pure sexuality.

Sex without love can be good.

But sex filled with an abundance of love—where heart, soul, and mind are fully present—is out of this world.

Quivering lips. Exponentially better.

For the first time, he thought about loving someone the way he loved her.

The heart takes time to heal, especially when it’s been closed off.

When we stop letting the light in or letting it out, there’s only darkness.

Always stay open. Wide open. Heart open.

The Sun that Never Sets

What do I do with this open heart? How do I keep it open, and how do I show up in the world now with this current state of being?

I want to show up the same in all areas of my life, with an abundance of love—in business, with friends, and with family.

To keep her in my heart, holding on to that feeling. My memories of her may fade, but I hope the feeling remains.

I want to hold on to both—the memories and the feeling—long enough for her to arrive fully into my arms. To walk into the world with this feeling as if she were already mine not just for one night, but for eternity.

She is with me, by my side, supporting me through every adventure I step into. She is the sun that never sets, always there, embracing me through the good and the bad. She loves all of me.

I look forward to the possibility of grey turning into black and white.

Rocking Vulnerability: Embracing Fear and Finding Evolution

I've been reading and listening to Brené Brown's work for a couple of years now, and I've also been consciously practicing vulnerability. But yesterday, I took it to a whole new level. I was nervous all week, trying to prepare for this talk—it was uncharted territory. The last time I gave a speech was in grade 7. I made it to the gym and almost competed with other schools. My buddy Dave won; he was the better storyteller. Now, at 39, I'm a much different man (thank God). If I were the same, that would be a whole other problem.

Last night, I stood up in front of 150 strangers, some of whom were friends and family I had invited. I face-planted with a level of vulnerability that would have made Brené Brown proud. I was in the arena. I got up and wiped the dust off, and today was a brand-new morning. Even though I forgot most of my speech, I felt fucking good. That doesn't mean my self-talk was all positive. Absolutely not. I'm human.

My initial thoughts were that I had disappointed Greg, who runs the Toronto chapter of ManTalks and invited me to speak. I also disappointed Conner, the founder of ManTalks, and I disappointed the audience. They took time out of their Monday evening for this event, and I choked. I got stage fright. I tried to compose myself and start over. I'd get going, then get stuck again.

Finally, I just gave up and admitted to everyone that I had completely forgotten what I wanted to say and share. Afterward, my mind raced with all the things I wanted to say but didn't—all the experiences I could have shared in the hopes of inspiring others to begin the process of looking inward and connecting with themselves because lasting confidence and deep connections begin from within.

Yes, it could have been better, and yes, I could have rocked it. But there were lessons I needed to learn, and I'm glad I learned them early—on a big stage. Being in this area of public speaking, I know the size of the stage I want to strive for. I know the level I eventually want to play at. And I will say, by no means was this a small stage. Sponsored by Samsung, with a wicked ass stage, purpose, and the best part—a wonderful audience.

I was thinking about a quote by Jamie Foxx during his interview with Tim Ferriss. He said, "Do you know what's on the other side of fear? Nothing." I loved that, but I would take it to another level.

On the other side of fear is evolution.

We have been taught to see fear as something to conquer, but it turns out that fear is something to embrace. The same goes for failure. If you don't fail, how do you receive clarity on which direction to head? Failure is a beautiful compass that guides us toward our highest potential.

I want another shot so badly. I'm opening myself to the Universe right this minute. My heart is open and ready. Dear Universe, I'm ready to play BIG.

I don't know where this culture of perfection and the need to always look good to the outside world came from while we struggle and sit in pain in our internal world. It stunts the evolution of humanity and keeps our hearts closed. I'm sure there was a moment in history when we were required to close up, but honestly, I don't give a fuck. Where we stand right now is what's important. We all need to encourage each other to embrace walking in spaces where there's potential for face plants. It forces us to reflect and look inside ourselves.

I cancelled cable at 25. Do you know why? First, I was falling asleep on a hand-me-down IKEA sofa when I had a kick-ass mattress I paid enormous amounts of money for in the other room. The other reason was I was watching all these people, whether in fiction or nonfiction, living their lives while I wasn't living mine. When I turned off the tube, I had no choice but to get creative with my time. I met my first girlfriend, who gifted me my first book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which happened to change my fucking life. He talks about living your legend and how it should be your sole purpose—discover your personal journey and walk your path. This also led to my love of reading. Wow, there is actually a book and author out there that I could love. I always thought I hated reading, but in reality, I hated what the academic world was feeding me. Do you know we are still teaching Shakespeare? Are you kidding me? Our world is not ending; it's just stale, with the same old ways and messages. We need to liven it up by stepping into the unknown and identifying our own journey.

Do you know why people don't like meditation? It's not for the reason many say, which is, "I just can't sit down and quiet my mind." I had an aha realization. It's not the quieting of the mind that's the challenge; it's discovering what lies inside that's the challenge. When you begin the process, the goal isn't to calm the mind but to get into your mind, your body—specifically your heart—and then into your soul. When you get that deep, that's when the real shit opens up. That's when you start considering therapy and coaching because you have no choice but to discover your personal journey and purpose. It will rock your world and shake you up, but it's so fucking worth it.

Mirroring is the way to grow. Every step you take and every human you connect with is a mirror to you, especially in romantic relationships. I dated women who had no problems holding up those mirrors. There were mirrors everywhere! Eventually, I got the point and headed to therapy.

Therapy changed my life. It allowed me to open up and air out all the old scabs that never healed properly.

You know, I have this thing called Nexus. It allows me to bypass the line at the airport simply by scanning my eyes, generating wonder, awareness and curiosity. It reminds me how unique I am and how important it is to stay on my path, discover my personal journey, and unlock and reveal the portals within me. We have yet to reach the peak of our capacity. People talk about how the world is ending. I believe we are just beginning. So don't worry about the outside noise; don't pay too much attention. Decrease the external volume and increase the internal volume.

If you ever question your unique nature or authenticity, think about your iris and your fingerprints. There are seven billion-plus people on this planet, and there's only one authentic you.

Embrace fear and respect the failures because that's where evolution is waiting for you.

Rocking vulnerability feels good. My heart is a little more open today than it was before the talk. I love the path I'm on because I know it's my path to walk.

Magnetic love

The pursuit of love remains the most challenging part of my life. Why can't I attain it? Why can't I find it? I'm working so hard toward it. Am I not doing enough? Am I a coward? Am I not open enough? Do I need to be braver? Do I need to get out more? I don't know where to go, and although I can go out and travel on my own, I am tired.

I was ecstatic to find her, to be open enough to receive her, but she wasn’t ready. She doesn't see the possibilities I see. She doesn't understand why she feels what she does. It makes me sad, but I can't stop. I can't give up hope. I can't close my heart. It needs to stay open more than ever. I am close. I feel her. She is near.

The question "What the fuck?" continues to enter my mind. It sits alongside hope in the passenger seat. Fortunately, hope is driving. It's frustrating, but what’s a man to do? I am myself, and I have so much love to give. I have done and continue to do the deep work. I feel that the deeper I go, the more challenging it is to find her at times. She is not your average woman. She is powerful, beautiful, and evolved beyond my imagination.

What should I do? Where should I go? Is there something I've done wrong? These are questions that sit behind hope. They roll around in the back seat. Thankfully, hope is driving.

I have a new theory I will test. I have so much love to give that I need to distribute it by channeling it into more creative projects. I need to put my love into dance again. I need to sing. I need to listen to music. I need to paint and continue to pour my heart out in my writing. I need to love the amazing family and friends in my life today. I need to share my heart, my love, because it is too much for one human to handle.

It's time for more laughter, more dance, and more play in my life. I love the dance between the internal and external as I cleanse the energy lines from the root to the top of the tree. I am learning to live with an open, broken heart. I have so much love to share with her when she arrives. I need to maintain the dance between persistence and patience, between bravery and humility. I need to settle for nothing less than that soulful connection.

We are nervous, we are scared, and most skate on the surface. But if we give deep discovery the time it requires, if we dig a little deeper and explore the seven lines of energetic points first within ourselves, then with the person across from us, we are bound to find that love. It feels like two of the most powerful magnets pulling together. It takes an abundance of energy to split apart. Deep down you know. When you find it, life will reach heights that are unimaginable from where you currently stand.

This is not the time to settle for anything less. This is the time to ask and stay open for what cannot be articulated with words. It can only be felt through emotions that reside within the soul and are communicated through the heart. The mind has no say. Logic is irrelevant. Keep rational thoughts out of this. There are no algorithms to measure this connection, this love.

Many of us are so closed, like robots walking aimlessly, attempting to connect through lists generated within our minds—either on our own or based on the expectations of our tribe and society. Put away those formulas; they are useless if real love, real connection, and genuine happiness are what you seek. Open your heart. Living with a closed heart is the same as being six feet under.

What's the point? Open up, baby. Let's play, let's dance, let's love.

I imagine her in my life. I imagine walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist, moving her hair to one side, kissing her cheek, and then softly kissing her neck. I turn her around, look into her eyes as our bodies exchange energies, spirits lifting each other. I softly kiss her beautiful lips. I am in search of love that cannot be articulated with words.

Woodbine beach. I see that which I yearn.