Love is Not a Construct

Love is not a construct, something that happens with one soul,

Love is something that is expansive and has no rules and regulations, no systems, no borders.

We are sold the need to follow a model of love, and when we don't meet this model, we suffer and suffer and suffer.

Some of us suffer all the way till our deathbed and take this suffering into the next merry-go-round of our karmic cycle.

Round and round and round we go, cycles of illusions constructed through layers of manipulation.

Maybe you can't see in this moment, but can you feel it?

Can you feel the pain that lives in your body, the suffering sounds of chatter within your mind?

A soul that is crying and begging you to cultivate the spaciousness to express itself, to love fully?

Why do you think your soul came here?

It came here to love to its fullest capacity.

Infinite capacity.

The Void

This void that lives inside all of us — it can't be filled. Or can it?

The void itself is an imbalance; we inherit a dominant energy. When we are born, we are split. This split causes a fracture, leaving a void.

A relationship with the feminine fills this fracture — and vice versa. It empowers when it comes together. The energy ebbs and flows.

Leave the desire to attach, to keep it permanently in the void. It’s not ours to keep.

It’s essential for it to move freely, like a bird in a cage with the doors open. We have a tendency to want to trap the energy, thinking it's the safe way. But energy is only energetic when it can flow freely.

An addiction to the illusory idea of certainty and stability. Even if it stays there forever, it needs to know it can dance and fly if it so desires. That keeps the energy healthy.

It’s a dance between the masculine and the feminine.

Being caught up with material labels at the physical layer takes us away from the source of what’s important — the energetics within the layers that make us whole.

The energetics of mind, body, heart, and soul.

This is where we need to shine our attention, from the moment we awaken to the moment we lay down to sleep.

Crossroads

I feel something stuck inside of me, an uneasiness in my stomach. I'm not sure if it's mine, hers, or both. She’s going back today. It’s one thing to know what we want and develop courage outside the environment where challenges exist, but it’s another to go back into that environment—into the trenches—and execute the plan, the change we desire. Disconnecting is hard because hearts are broken, and relationships are impacted. That’s why so few do it. We don’t want to get uncomfortable, and we don’t want to hurt others. It’s so fucking hard.

We’re raised a certain way, through the lens of others for most of our lives. When we can no longer live with that queasy, uneasy feeling, we come to a crossroads. Do we maintain the status quo for the sake of others, or do we destroy everything to save ourselves? To reach out and pull ourselves out of the quicksand before it completely engulfs us to the point of no return. What we don’t realize is that if we don’t save ourselves in this lifetime, the next one will be a rerun of the one that preceded it.

So, would you want to live the life you’re living today—the life of suppressing yourself—if you knew that the next life would be exactly the same unless you reach out that hand and rescue yourself?

Hell, to me, is repeating a life lived unauthentically, living for others at the sacrifice of our own self. The biggest misconception is that focusing on the self is selfish, that we should help others and place their needs above our own. But our capacity to love and help others is limited by our capacity to love and help ourselves. We can’t fill others' tanks while ours is on empty.

I feel better after getting this out. I think I’ll type it to her. It will be the last journal entry she receives before her flight. Is it possible that I already love her? Is it possible that all these random little moments connected us? If someone is guiding and helping me, thank you. Thank you for the guidance, for the little nudge in the right direction. So many mini crossroads, and fortunately, I was encouraged to flow in the direction of this woman who captures my heart.