Rocking vulnerability

I have been reading and listening to Brene Browns work for a couple of years now. I have also been practicing vulnerability consciously. However, yesterday was a entirely new level for me. I was nervous all week, trying to prepare for this talk. It was a new playing ground for me. The last time I gave a speech was grade 7. I made it to the gym and wasn’t far from competing with other schools. My buddy Dave won. He was the better story teller for sure. I’m now 39 and a much different man (thank God). If I was the same, it would be an entirely different problem. 

Last night I stood up in front of 150 strangers, some of them being friends and family whom I invited. I face planted with a level of vulnerability (which I realized after all the talks were done) that would have made Brene Brown proud. I was in the arena. I got up and I wiped the dust off and today was a brand new morning. Even though I forgot most of my speech I was feeling fucking good. It doesn’t mean my self talk was all positive. Absolutely not the case. I am human. 

My initial thoughts were I disappointed Greg (who runs the Toronto Chapter of Mantalks and invited me to speak), I disappointed Conner the founder of Mantalks and I disappointed the audience. They took time out of their Monday evening for this awesome event and I choked. I got stage fright. I tried to compose myself and start over, I would get it going, then get stuck again. 

Finally I just gave up and admitted to everyone. I have completely forgot what I wanted to say and share. The other post talk mind chatter is all the things that I wanted to say and didn’t, all the experiences I could have shared with the audience in the hopes that I would inspire others to at least begin the process of looking inward and connecting with themselves, because lasting confidence and deep connections begins from within. 

Yes, it could have been better, yes I could have rocked it, but there were lessons I needed to learn and I’m glad I learned them early, and for me, on a big  stage, but being in this area of public speaking, I know the size of stage that I want to strive for, I know the level that I want to eventually play at. I will say, by no means was this a small stage. Sponsored by Samsung, wicked ass stage, wicked ass purpose and the best part, wicked ass audience. 

I was thinking about a quote by Jaime Foxx during his interview with Tim Ferriss. He said “do you know whats on the other side of fear? Nothing”. I loved that. I would take that to another level. 

On the other side of fear is evolution. 

We have been taught to see fear as something to be conquered, but turns out fear is actually something to embrace. The same goes with failure. If you don’t fail then how do you receive clarity on which direction to head. Failure is a beautiful compass to navigate our life towards our highest potential. 

I want another shot so badly, I am going to open myself to the Universe right this minute. My heart is open and ready Universe. I’m ready to play BIG. 

I don’t know where this culture of perfection and the need to always look good to the outside world while we struggle and sit in pain in the internal world. It stunts evolution of man and keeps our heart closed. I’m sure there was a moment in history where we were required to close up, but to be honest I don’t give a fuck. I know where we stand right now is whats important. We all need to encourage each other to embrace walking in spaces where there is a potential for face plants. It forces us to reflect and look inside ourselves. 

I cancelled cable at the age of 25. Do you know why? One, I was falling asleep on a hand me down ikea sofa when I bought a kick ass mattress. The other reason was, I was watching all these people whether fiction or non fiction living their lives while I was not living mine. When I turned off the tube I had no choice but to get creative with my time. I met my first girlfriend who gifted me my first book which happened to change my fucking life. The Alchemist by Paolo Cohelo. He talks about living your legend and how it should be your soul purpose, discover your personal journey and to walk your path. This also lead to my love of reading. Wow, there is actually a book and author out there that I could love? This is fucking awesome. I always thought I hated reading but in reality, I hated what the academic world was feeding me. Do you know we are still teaching shakespeare? Are you fucking kidding me? Our world is not ending, its just stale with the same old ways and the same old messages. We need to liven it up by stepping into the unknown and identifying our own journey. 

Do you know why people don’t like meditation? Its not for the reason why many say, 'I just can’t sit down and quiet my mind'. I had an aha realization. It’s not the quieting of the mind thats the challenge, its discovering whats lies inside, that's the challenge. When you begin the process, the beginning is not to calm the mind but the purpose is to get into your body, your heart specifically and then to your soul. When you get that deep thats when the real shit opens up, thats when you start considering therapy and coaching and have no choice but to discover your personal journey and purpose. It will rock your world and shake you up but its so fucking worth it. 

Mirroring is the way to grow. Every step you take, every human you generate a relationship with is a mirror to you, especially romantic relationships. I dated the type of women who had no problem holding up those mirrors. There were mirrors everywhere!!!! Eventually I got the point and head to therapy. 

Therapy changed my life. It allowed me to open up and air out all the old scabs that never healed properly. 

You know, I have this thing called Nexus. It allows me to bypass the line at the airport. I scan my eyes. It generates wonder and awareness. It reminds me how unique I am and how important it is to keep on my path and discover my personal journey and unlock and reveal the portals within me. We have not even even reached the peak of our capacity. People talk about how the world is ending I believe we are just beginning. So don’t worry about the outside noise, don’t pay too much attention. Decrease the external volume and increase the internal volume. 

If you ever question your unique nature, your authenticity, think about your iris and your fingerprints. 7 billion plus peeps on this planet and there is only one authentic you. 

Embrace fear and respect the failures, because thats where the evolution is waiting for you to arrive. 

Rocking vulnerability feels good. My heart is a little more open today then it was before the talk. I love the path that I’m on because I know it’s my path to walk.