Remind Me

Rocky Mountain National Park

The mountains remind me of how small I am. Humbling.

Travelling reminds me that the news never tells the whole story of a land and its people.

Conversations remind me that we all want the same thing at our core.

Lands tell a story, both beautiful and brutal.

Closing my eyes reminds me to listen to the wind,

to see with the third eye.

I am reminded that those who lead and govern do not serve in the best interest of the masses.

Was it always this way? Was there ever a time in history when a government served all?

What does it mean to serve?

I'll give you my perspective if you care to read.

Equality needs to begin at the basics.

Food, shelter, water, clothing. If all beings do not have these, then we are failing.

All of humanity is failing.

It matters neither to the micro nor the macro spirit—the karmic merry-go-round will continue its circular motion.

The exits are closed until the lessons are learned.

Personally, I have no issues with billionaires. We can have billionaires and nurture all beings.

We can have differences on what system is better, but honestly, it matters little to none.

If the heart is closed and the mind is corrupt, the system has no relevance. A system does not enlighten one.

It does not open our hearts.

If we love from the mind, then love is a manipulative illusion.

It is not love, for love is unconditional.

Mindful love is conditioned and coated in judgment.

We do not judge the mountains, the winds, the oceans, and the forests—

but we judge each other. Why?

Because most of us love nature from our hearts,

yet we forget that we too are nature, baked from the same ingredients as the fox that trots and the winds that sing.

I am reminded, and for that, I am grateful.

Intertwined Minds

The state of my mind and my search for love. If I were to die today, what mind am I moving on with? Is it lighter than that with which I arrived, heavier, or has it remained the same?

Perhaps I did let go of the old and then refilled the suitcase—aka my mind—with new thoughts, patterns, emotions, and habits. My feeling is that the load is lighter for my mind and the mind of my ancestors. We are intertwined. It’s how we stay connected and communicate with each other.

The more I clear, the lighter my lineage becomes, and the clearer the lines of communication will be.

This visual of minds being intertwined has never presented itself with such clarity. A clear mind is strong and holds the ability to connect with ease to the minds of the seen and unseen. The act has been more unconscious than conscious, but now I have more clarity around the workings of the mind.

This is the next evolution: to connect with the minds of the unseen, those wiser than I, and be open to their teachings that are needed in this moment in time.

When you watch the news, it is static for you, and it’s not only impacting your mind but all the minds you are intertwined with, blocking the wisdom of your ancestors, the sages, and other beings yearning to communicate through you.

You are to simply learn how to be a vessel for your Higher Self and beyond.

In the past, your meditation was for clearing and strengthening your own mind over the years, but it became a comfort, an escape.

Now that you have been away from it for some time, return to sitting.

Open yourself to receive from those wiser than you, who can show you, teach through you. Be a conscious vessel. You are not your own.

Always watched over.

Keep your channel clean, your mind pure, and your heart open.

Love.

What is love’s role?

Lighten the Load

Abundance, presence, love.

For those who take more than their share, ask yourself what impact this has on others, and, more importantly, ask what impact this weight has on your soul—to collect all these things that will remain behind.

Nothing you have will come along for the ride except your deeds, intentions, and stories carved into your mind and spirit.

The mind goes with us to the next.

We may leave our bodies behind, but the programs of our mind will remain intact.

Ask yourself: if I were to die tomorrow, is this the mind I want to travel with?

This day, and every moment that follows, will be another opportunity to lighten the load, improving the chance of transcendence.

Time is a Trickster

Land the plane, aka the mind, on the page.

It wants to be in the skies, but it is down here where its services are required.

Tap in, but do not be seduced by its grandeur.

You come from there to here, so be here.

Acknowledge and respect the desire of your soul to experience that moment in time.

Time is a trickster. There is less of it than you know, and the spaceship is moving faster than you can imagine.

Respect the soul. It is the reason you are here.

This YOU is once in a lifetime. You will perhaps return once again, but the next journey will be or could be, with new companions.

So enjoy the ones who are journeying with you now.

The ones that were, the ones that are, and the ones still to come.

What Now? Versus What's Next?

“The journey begins here with whatever is capturing your attention.” —Radiant Sutras

The lake. The sounds of birds. Sounds of kids playing. The trees. The sounds of humans working their machines. But this last one is subtle.

Nature is capturing my attention. Softness, silence, solitude.

In this moment, it’s me, my writing, this pen, and this beautiful journal. So much love was poured into creating this journal. It’s taken me years to have the courage to inscribe my thoughts and reflections onto these pages.

Now is the moment to enter the beauty that I have felt unworthy of entering. It’s off limits. Or so I thought.

Now is the moment to enter the beauty with perceived barriers. Sacred. Quiet. Silence. Listening. Stillness.

Emotions want to encapture all, to flood my being with the sacredness of the divine essence of love. There’s a reaction—fear to this movement—an attempt to reject. Noise from news. Actions and procrastinations counter one another.

Return to the blank space. Be present with nothingness, with emptiness. Observe the yearning to consume, but be still in the yearning.

Pausing at the doorstep of beyond. Enter beauty with nothingness, emptiness. Enter with space so that the extraordinary may dance in your presence. Weave in and out of the space that is you.

Unattended, unattached. Leave the doors open. It is not yours to keep. You own nothing.

The beauty is only that in the presence of freedom. Its opposite leads to suffocation and drainage.

Possession is the death of beauty.

Blessings, Infinite Blessings.

“Encircled by splendor in the center of the sphere. Meditate where the body thrills to currents of infinite communion. Follow your senses to the end and beyond into the heart of space.” — The Radiant Sutras

Into the heart of space.

Be present today. Notice the spaces in which you play, the blessings waiting to be seen. How are others fitting into the space? How are you moving through space?

I often underestimate space, its existence and its importance and how it shifts depending on who or what occupies it in any given moment. Space is not static. We change it with our presence, our awareness, our gaze, our words, even our breath.

In a moment, you will leave this space, your new home, and dance in spaces with others. How does your space adapt to you? Observe how you adapt to the space and those within it.

How do I want to move through space? What about the space inside of me? The space inside of others?

Why is it important to cultivate spaciousness in our minds and hearts? How can we hold and flow with ease if we are full, if our minds and hearts are stuffed with what we consume, transmuting us into a dense and weighty object?

How am I breathing?

The Dark Never Travels Alone

Getting off track or maybe it's on track. Who fucking knows.

The stress of doomsday lives in my heart. I know it's a possibility but I also know that I can look out another window and sunshine is waiting to receive the gaze of my eyes. It's all perspective.

MANASIAH AKPALIAIPIK - Screaming Faces, 1991

Ask yourself, is it really gray outside? Is the future bleak? What data are you assessing that justifies a narrative that causes commotion in your heart? What's first, the emotions or the narrative? The feeling or the thought? It's hard to tell at times. It's that whole chicken and egg thing. What came first. It's so swift and fast, difficult to decipher the order of operations.

Sunshine is there. Darkness never travels alone. But it requires effort and awareness to change the direction of our lens, pointing the binoculars towards another horizon and suddenly you see the rainbow above.

This makes me reflect on the miracle of this moment. The sun. The sun shining down on this planet. I mean, how do we make sense of such a grand gesture from the divine? Names don't do it justice. It cannot be named, it can only be experienced with awareness, yet we will never experience the whole, simply bits and pieces when we take a moment to pause and remember.

Oof, what a trip of a fucking world we live in and I'm not talking about the world as in this planet, I'm referring to the little worlds we create within our minds and hold onto a pseudo truth, then we kill for this truth, we die for this truth.

Illusory certainty will be the death of humanity.

This brings a smile to my face. Fills my body with joy to remember. To look through another window.

Light. I can dwell in the dark.

She reminds me, we remind each other, there are other windows.

Emptiness in Neutrality

I feel empty today—not in a negative way, just neutral. I don’t have the energy to create, reflect, or dig into any deep insights. But I also don’t feel down or heavy. I feel neutral—a nice place to be. From this space, I can handle the admin stuff. My heart feels good, alive, energized. There’s an energy moving through me as I write.

Winding down, spending my evenings in silence with my journals and books, and beginning my mornings in the same quiet are meditations in themselves. I notice the subtle energies inside and outside of me, although I’m still tuning back into the external world. I’m not really doing anything, just learning to be within the being, to exist in the stillness. I simply observe.

Becoming the watcher once again.

I’m in this space, in this body, on this Earth, spinning and whirling on a floating ball in the universe. Just a blip in the system. What are we doing? What are we supposed to be doing? It’s such an odd thing to be human. Are we here to clean up karma from our lineage? Are we here to be tested? We have all these different ways to "sin"—good deeds, bad deeds. But what's the point of complaining about anything?

Super Moon in Aries

It’s so strange; I don’t think humans have really changed that much. The evolution of technology gives the illusion of human evolution, but in reality, we’re either on the side of making cool stuff or using it.

I yearn for a simple life. I want to enjoy this Earth as she was meant to be enjoyed. To align with her rhythm and dance to her tune, not the other way around. If we could just look up at the moon and remember we are nothingness, we might arrive at a place of humility, love, and deep connection. From that place, we’ll find everything we need. Because, really, we’re just not all that. Just a bunch of little ants with two feet, crawling around on this rock with inflated egos, trying to convince each other of what's right and wrong, defining morals that are complex and comparative. But in the end, it's all an illusion, a way to divide us from ourselves and each other.

What a strange thing it is to despise someone because of the colour of their skin, the name on their passport, or the religion they were born into. What a bizarre thing it is to make another suffer because of how they believe in God, how they dress, or how much money they have. It’s all so strange—the way we raise our children, how resistant we are to change, and how easily we’re coerced into devastating ideologies.

We’re really not that bright. I want to say we’re borderline idiotic, but I know that’s not kind. Maybe we’re just a collection of dummies. You know, I believe in God. I believe in Source, in the Divine, in angels and guides, in beings that are exponentially more enlightened than us—a place we may never reach. But every now and then, I wonder: Is there something wrong with God’s manufacturing plant? Are they using expired ingredients?

Of course, maybe there’s a greater plan, and we’re just too limited in these human costumes to see it. And even if we could see it, maybe our minds are too limited to understand. Perhaps the truth is right in front of us, and that’s the problem—we’re too close to see it.

It always comes back to the mind. But why? Why is the mind so vulnerable? I understand the physical body reflects the Earth, and I see the soul as a reflection of the Divine. But what about the mind? Why is it so easily attacked, while the heart is so easily broken? Yes, the heart’s purpose is to love, but I feel there’s more to explore there. Or maybe we just need to learn what love really is because at the moment we’re fucking terrible at it.

The mind. The heart. One is easily manipulated, the other easily broken.

A Moment of Reflection

At the Hart House for an R&B concert.

I feel like I need to be here, but I’m looking for some guidance, something more than just this déjà vu feeling.

What is this?

Is there anything I need to do beyond what I’m already doing in this moment?

Simply be as you are.

I am.

Your heart.

How is your heart in this moment?

Are you happy with your choice to come to this event tonight?

I feel a little emotional when I sense this feeling.

You know the one I’m talking about?

Like I’ve been here before, or that I’m exactly where I need to be?

Is that it? Is that the story for this evening?

Listen to music and go home?

Seems like a small ending to such a big feeling, doesn’t it?

“Beauty of artists is to seek for truth. Each note is a search for truth.”

I can relate.

For me, each word is my way of searching for the truth.

Searching for the truth from within.

It’s 10:45 now. The concert’s over.

I saw the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while.

I liked her energy; she naturally embodied the feminine.

Her smile shines as brightly as the ring on her finger.

The kind that lights up every room she enters.

Tearless Cries

I'm beginning to understand that emotional maturity and emotional expression are different things. We can articulate our feelings and still behave immaturely. In my writing, I’m projecting my journey towards greater emotional maturity. I’m learning to express and communicate my emotions better. If I'm happy, I can express it; if I'm angry, I can communicate that too. Now, I can even communicate sadness.

Before, I would suppress sadness with food, drinks, or media. Now, I recognize sadness and feel where it resides in my body. However, I don't know how to release it. Yesterday, I explored this: What happens if I don’t release my sadness? It fills my body with heaviness. This unreleased sadness often leads to despair and sometimes to a depressive state. For a long time, it has taken me there, except for a couple of months ago in India. I know that when I feel heavy inside, movement helps, especially lifting weights. Twenty to thirty minutes at the gym lifts my spirits. I think it’s the combination of movement and the release of endorphins.

Identifying emotions and communicating them to myself and others is a step toward further emotional maturity. But I’m still blocked when it comes to releasing sadness. Somewhere along the path, I suppressed this emotion. Over the years, I've learned that when we suppress one part of ourselves, like sadness, we also suppress its opposite—joy. If I can’t express and release sadness, I can't fully experience happiness and joy.

From the streets of Valencia

I've felt this deeply. There have been times and places, like recently in Valencia, where I could fully express both sadness and joy. Here in Toronto, it's a bit more challenging, but I’m working on it. I am better today than I was a year ago—more emotionally evolved. This means I don’t react to others' actions that trigger past pain. Instead, I can feel the emotion, observe its rise and fall like ocean waves.

These reflections have surfaced as I open myself to dating again and seeking a dynamic, expansive life partner. Someone who understands the layers of being, who has an insatiable curiosity about herself, others, and the world. Someone proactive in her day-to-day life, moving forward and upward.

Observing other couples, I realize there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Advice is based on individual experiences, and every piece of wisdom is unique. I listen, observe, and learn. I admire those who sustain long-term relationships. It’s never easy, yet some couples find a way to return to each other. It’s inspiring. I see that with the right partner, there’s an opportunity for greater freedom than I’m experiencing now.

However, I needed to release the patterns I absorbed as a child. Growing up in a traumatic household, we may intellectually reject it, but our minds are already programmed. We may not want what we experienced in childhood, but we’re drawn to the familiar. I replicated my parents' toxic patterns in my relationships. It took a lot of therapy, coaching, reading, and practices like yoga and meditation to deprogram and start reprogramming myself.

From my last relationship, I realized I was as emotionally immature as my parents and attracted similarly immature partners. Mature partners didn’t work because I wasn’t ready for them. I wasn’t even attracted to them because their energy was unfamiliar to me.

I am getting closer. All this work isn’t just to be more successful in my career or a better friend, sibling, or son. I do it because I’m preparing for her. It’s hard at times, but I know it will be worth the wait when she arrives in my life, and I in hers.

I recently listened to an interview with Esther Perel where she talked about “tearless cries.” This perfectly describes my experience with sadness. Most of the time, I wish I could cry and truly release my emotions through tears. Instead, I either suppress them or try to shake them out through physical activity. But what I really want is an epic, tearful cry.