Jigsaw

Is there another way?

At some point, at some number, we need to pause and ask: Is this it? Is this the way?

The gauge is fear and stress. The higher the fear and stress, the more likely it’s not the way.

Or maybe it’s the other way? That’s for each of us to decipher.

A calculation I’m still calculating.

Left or right? Flip a coin and walk in the direction it tells you. Heads—left. Tails—right.

Upside down. Inside out.

It’s all a zigzag, back and forth. It’s the illusion of a straight line that brings pain to our hearts and minds.

Nothing about you is fucking straight, and in this jigsaw of a world, you want to walk a tightrope.

There is a guaranteed fall—and nothing below to catch you.

Embrace the upside down, and only then can you know what is right side up.

Life Dreams, Wet Dreams

Sometimes, you just need to release the valve, in whatever way works best. I feel better, less erratic. But I know it's not the only reason I was feeling scattered. I’m consuming a lot of information, trying to make sense of the world we're in, and at the same time, I'm sorting through my emotions anticipating the current to come. It's another reason, but not the only one, for pouring media onto my mind.

It’s hard to predict the end of something so far in advance. But I'm grateful for the chance to grieve, and even more grateful for my awareness of what I’m grieving. It’s not easy to say goodbye. When you do, memories of gratitude rush to the surface, and the longing begins—sometimes more painful than the grieving itself. Maybe they’re both steps within a greater process called death.

I'm scared. There’s no other way to put it. One Chanel, the other Gap. One is wet dreams, the other ignites life dreams. I’m drawn to Ms. Gap—madam life dreams. That’s always been my dream: a partner, two kids, a life we build together. But my soul had other plans: healing homework for both the soul and the whole. I was a strange mix of "too nice" and rage, birthed from chaos and conditions both now and passed down from those before me.

I learned from the screen. It was in the room where I shined. If only I could make her emulate the sounds and expressions I absorbed with my ears and eyes. I’m a man of contingencies, always with a backup plan—or maybe a forward plan, depending on the moment. The skills of the tongue. I did well. Sometimes not so well—it depended on the sun and moon, the alignment of the planets out there and in here. I achieved a passing grade, a high C, and maybe even a B+ at times. I guess it depends on the student who came before me.

A grading system that only she controls: the teacher. Once upon a time, she was the wise one in our historical eyes. Today, she is underground, difficult to be found but if you listen, you can still hear her subtle sounds.

Where was I? Ah yes, wet dreams and life dreams. It's not that life dreams can't have the thrill of wet dreams, but if I had to choose, I’d choose the illusory "happily ever after."

I said nothing. The fear of the past tightens inside my heart, holding back the words that yearn to rise up the channel and dew-drop off my tongue.

Feeling scared. Scared of what? Rejection? Possibility? That what you want might actually come true? One dream at a time. Wait why not two dreams at a time?

Rewind.

What stopped you? She was literally in front of you.

Judgment. Judgment of who she was surrounded by, judgment of her likes. Judgments that make no sense, judgments meant to distract and deter you from the truth of that moment. All you wanted was to say hello, to start a conversation. She felt good. She felt calm inside my heart. Maybe she had a man, maybe not. Maybe she was a million things or a million different scenarios, but it didn’t matter because she felt like a potential life dream.

Emptiness in Neutrality

I feel empty today—not in a negative way, just neutral. I don’t have the energy to create, reflect, or dig into any deep insights. But I also don’t feel down or heavy. I feel neutral—a nice place to be. From this space, I can handle the admin stuff. My heart feels good, alive, energized. There’s an energy moving through me as I write.

Winding down, spending my evenings in silence with my journals and books, and beginning my mornings in the same quiet are meditations in themselves. I notice the subtle energies inside and outside of me, although I’m still tuning back into the external world. I’m not really doing anything, just learning to be within the being, to exist in the stillness. I simply observe.

Becoming the watcher once again.

I’m in this space, in this body, on this Earth, spinning and whirling on a floating ball in the universe. Just a blip in the system. What are we doing? What are we supposed to be doing? It’s such an odd thing to be human. Are we here to clean up karma from our lineage? Are we here to be tested? We have all these different ways to "sin"—good deeds, bad deeds. But what's the point of complaining about anything?

Super Moon in Aries

It’s so strange; I don’t think humans have really changed that much. The evolution of technology gives the illusion of human evolution, but in reality, we’re either on the side of making cool stuff or using it.

I yearn for a simple life. I want to enjoy this Earth as she was meant to be enjoyed. To align with her rhythm and dance to her tune, not the other way around. If we could just look up at the moon and remember we are nothingness, we might arrive at a place of humility, love, and deep connection. From that place, we’ll find everything we need. Because, really, we’re just not all that. Just a bunch of little ants with two feet, crawling around on this rock with inflated egos, trying to convince each other of what's right and wrong, defining morals that are complex and comparative. But in the end, it's all an illusion, a way to divide us from ourselves and each other.

What a strange thing it is to despise someone because of the colour of their skin, the name on their passport, or the religion they were born into. What a bizarre thing it is to make another suffer because of how they believe in God, how they dress, or how much money they have. It’s all so strange—the way we raise our children, how resistant we are to change, and how easily we’re coerced into devastating ideologies.

We’re really not that bright. I want to say we’re borderline idiotic, but I know that’s not kind. Maybe we’re just a collection of dummies. You know, I believe in God. I believe in Source, in the Divine, in angels and guides, in beings that are exponentially more enlightened than us—a place we may never reach. But every now and then, I wonder: Is there something wrong with God’s manufacturing plant? Are they using expired ingredients?

Of course, maybe there’s a greater plan, and we’re just too limited in these human costumes to see it. And even if we could see it, maybe our minds are too limited to understand. Perhaps the truth is right in front of us, and that’s the problem—we’re too close to see it.

It always comes back to the mind. But why? Why is the mind so vulnerable? I understand the physical body reflects the Earth, and I see the soul as a reflection of the Divine. But what about the mind? Why is it so easily attacked, while the heart is so easily broken? Yes, the heart’s purpose is to love, but I feel there’s more to explore there. Or maybe we just need to learn what love really is because at the moment we’re fucking terrible at it.

The mind. The heart. One is easily manipulated, the other easily broken.

A Moment of Reflection

At the Hart House for an R&B concert.

I feel like I need to be here, but I’m looking for some guidance, something more than just this déjà vu feeling.

What is this?

Is there anything I need to do beyond what I’m already doing in this moment?

Simply be as you are.

I am.

Your heart.

How is your heart in this moment?

Are you happy with your choice to come to this event tonight?

I feel a little emotional when I sense this feeling.

You know the one I’m talking about?

Like I’ve been here before, or that I’m exactly where I need to be?

Is that it? Is that the story for this evening?

Listen to music and go home?

Seems like a small ending to such a big feeling, doesn’t it?

“Beauty of artists is to seek for truth. Each note is a search for truth.”

I can relate.

For me, each word is my way of searching for the truth.

Searching for the truth from within.

It’s 10:45 now. The concert’s over.

I saw the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while.

I liked her energy; she naturally embodied the feminine.

Her smile shines as brightly as the ring on her finger.

The kind that lights up every room she enters.

Happy America Day: Reflecting on Freedom and Responsibility

Happy America Day! It is a dream for some and a nightmare for others.

Are our values and freedoms achieved at the expense of others' suffering? Can we genuinely attain happiness and peace if the answer to this question is yes? Can we choose to be conscious or unconscious of how our money, an extension of our energy, contributes to the suffering of others?

For the first time, are we collectively seeing? We have no choice but to be conscious of our collective unconsciousness.

Freedom

Does my freedom depend on others' suffering?

If my freedom comes from taking the liberty of others, can I indeed be free?

Are we less free or more free? We have freedom of speech (with rules attached) and freedom of movement, but what about the freedom within our minds and hearts?

We complain about our politicians and leaders and blame them, but if this is the furthest distance our voice travels, are we not failing and complicit? I am realizing that complaining about politicians is a waste of time. It does nothing to change the realities we live in.

We have been through many difficult times, but why does this feel different?

Are those in power not a reflection of you and me?

It's similar to the leaders we choose; they cause suffering to others with our money, and we continue to do nothing. It's so much easier to blame a select few, but it's more important to look at ourselves and make the tiniest changes in how we move through the world, think, feel, and love.

It's like our ancestors' gifts and traumas that were passed down consciously and unconsciously. Our ancestors may be long gone, but it is up to us in this present moment to make a choice, right their wrongs, and heal their wounds. Their wounds live within us. If we don't do it, we will pass it down to our children, and if they don't, then their children, and on and on, it goes until someone steps on the brakes.

Are we free across all layers within? To attain pure freedom requires tiny steps towards a full conscious awakening, an opening of our hearts, for a closed heart is no symbol or sign of freedom.

We have all been born into a life of separation and suppression, reinforced and normalized by our families and societies.

Most would see the conflicts today and suggest that the oppressed and displaced don't have freedom. True, they don't have physical freedom to move and be as they please, but they have freedom within their hearts. Although they continue to be traumatized, they even have freedoms within their minds. The oppressors have the illusion of freedom to move as they wish, but their hearts and minds are caged by an ideology that acts as a disguise to serve them.

World Social Forum 2024 Nepal

Whatever feelings you may have about these words, I invite you to take a moment—ideally many moments over many days, weeks, and years, as long as it takes—to reflect on freedom within all four layers of being. Is my body free? Is my mind free? Is my heart free? Is my soul free? What am I a slave to? We are all slaves to something.

What does freedom mean to you? Is your freedom at the expense of another's? Does it need to be this way?

The wars are a reflection of a more significant battle, a battle that lives within our hearts and minds. Don't underestimate the power of cultivating peace, balance, and healing within. The more of us that heal within, find balance, cultivate peace, and open our hearts to ourselves and others, the faster the external will heal. When we free ourselves from the enslavement of the system, we will free those who suffer as a result of us perpetuating the problem by not cutting the chains of capitalistic enslavement.

Don't close yourself off to what is happening out there. You can remain unconscious, but it will become conscious sooner or later—if not for you, then for your children or those yet to arrive. You don't have to complete the work, but we all need to start it.

It's an important day to reflect on freedom because America prides itself on being the land of the free, but at what cost? At whose expense?

Fighting for Freedom Within

The entity without is the same entity within. We can go outside and fight against the injustices in our world, but the injustices also live inside of us. Learn how to bring justice within your own heart, then you can teach, guide, and inspire others to do the same.

What will life be like when we experience justice within our hearts? Are we working to rid ourselves of this entity or looking to heal and become one with it? To work together. How do these seemingly opposing energies inside of us come together? Balance.

If we look at the conflicts of the present moment, they will only attain peace and complete freedom once they come together. Both sides have something to bring to the table. Is this true? Who benefits from this conflict? How are we contributing to those benefactors? What steps do we need to take to take back that which is most precious?

As we celebrate America Day, it's crucial to reflect on what freedom truly means. True freedom is not just about physical movement or speech; it's about freeing our minds and hearts from the chains of ignorance, prejudice, and complacency. Our collective responsibility is to heal our internal wounds, recognize our complicity in societal injustices, and make conscious choices that promote equality and compassion. Only then can we hope to achieve genuine freedom for ourselves and others. This journey begins within, and by taking small steps towards inner peace and balance, we can create a ripple effect that transforms the world around us. Let us strive for a freedom that uplifts everyone, not just a privileged few.