Salsa - Learning to Lead in Dance and Life
I can't stop the patterns, but I can replace them, and drown the old ones out via the process of conscious neglect. I can root down. Some want to continue a legacy but for me, I prefer to pause the old legacy and do the work to pave a new path. It's not my parent's fault, they did their best based on what they received. They lived life but they also have an unlived life which is often if not always projected onto the child. Salsa exposed my weakness as a man from a relationship perspective very quickly. I am timid. Unlike other areas in my life where I lead quite well, in this area I am soft and have much to learn. How to be soft but strong, to lead with subtle cues using the hands to guide the woman so she feels safe to play to release?
From spending time in the jungles of Peru, learning about different plant medicines (more on this later), to surfing on the coast of Ecuador to dancing salsa in Cali, Colombia, known as the salsa capital of the world, I have been consciously filling this life I have been gifted. Remembering or at least trying to remember why I decided to come here at this moment.
I've attempted salsa lessons a few times in my life, but it seemed challenging. I cultivated my own style over many years of dancing. For those of you who know me from the beginning, I have been dancing since I was able to walk. There was always something inside of me that yearned to move, watching, and recording endless music videos, from R&B to hip hop to house, my style evolved into something unique to me and became one of few escapes from a chaotic life but in my late 20's, aside from a couple of special occasions and when the mood would arise, I mostly stopped dancing. It wasn't fulfilling me the same way as it once did.
During this recent visit to Cali, I committed to learning. In 10 days, I took 10 hours of private classes and almost 20 hours of group classes. That's a lot of dancing! It was challenging in the beginning because what felt natural to me, I needed to let go if I wanted to learn this new way of movement (a lesson for everyday life no?). It was tough but I got through the hard part. I was able to let go of the style I cultivated over many years and day by day was able to adopt the Cali style of Salsa. I am still a beginner but thanks to my amazing teachers at Salsa Pura, Mayra, Camillo and Carlo, I made some good progress in a short amount of time.
Electronic and hip hop is more individual freestyle movement as opposed to partner dancing. I was a little surprised at how uncomfortable I was with dancing with women let alone leading. I had no idea how bad I was at this but upon reflection, it's not much different when I am in a relationship with women. I think I'm a good leader within the context of family, friends and in business but in romantic relationships, boy do I need a lot of practice. The good news is salsa is a great way to learn. It's teaching me a lot more than dancing. It brings up inherited and cultivated insecurities. So, I'm not just deprogramming a previous style of dancing and learning some new steps, but also my relationship within the context of intimacy and partnership.
Another lesson I learned very quickly is my progress depended on how much or how little time I spent in my head as opposed to in my body. In the beginning, while learning new steps (I learned about 20) we need to get it into our brain but if I wanted to make any type of progress, it was dependent on how much time I spent feeling into my body as opposed to thinking my way through the movement.
For years now, sitting in meditation, and practicing yoga, the purpose of these practices has been to get more into my body, to open my heart and learn how to live from there. Salsa is no different from meditation or yoga, it's a practice to connect with my whole being, especially mi corazón. Moving on the dance floor via the heart will then translate (I hope) to moving through all areas of my life this way. Love. Thinking through life or learning to love through life? I am focused on cultivating the latter. We can never have too much love, but there is a limit to how much time should be spent thinking my way through life. Too much thinking cultivates a narrow pathway and in the heady process I have missed so much of what this life has wanted to gift me.
I am loving the track El Nino by Ignacio Maria Gomez. I know it's not a salsa song, but it represents where I am at this moment and what I have been working so hard to cultivate in my life. Play. One way to play for me is to dance. We all have the things that we nerd out in our life. For me, it's dancing. If I'm not dancing, I'm not fully playing. There are three P's I've been cultivating in 2023. Peace. Patience. Play. Play requires patience. The more patience I cultivate the more I play with ease and the more I play, the more at peace I feel within.
"Si el niño quiere jugar, ¿porqué no lo hace bailar?"
(If the child wants to play, why not make him dance?"