Magnetic love
It continues to be the most challenging part of my life. Why can't I attain this? Why can't I find it? I am working so hard towards it. Am I not doing enough? Am I a coward? Am I not open enough? Do I need to be more brave? Do I need to get out more? I don't know where to go and although I can go out more on my own, travel on my own, I am tired of it. I'm tired. I was so ecstatic to find her, to be open enough to receive her, but she wasn’t ready. She doesn't see the possibilities I see. She doesn't understand why she feels what she does. It makes me sad but I can't stop, I can't give up hope, I can't close my heart. It needs to stay open more then ever. I am close. I feel her. She is near.
The question what the fuck continues to enter my mind. The question sits along side hope in the passenger seat. Fortunately hope is driving. It's frustrating but whats a man to do. I am my self and I have so much love to give. I have done and continue to do the deep work. I feel that the deeper I go the more challenging it is to find her at times. She is not your average women. She is powerful, beautiful and will be evolved beyond my imagination.
What should I do? Where should I go? Is there something I've done wrong? These are questions that sit behind hope. They are questions that role around in the back seat. Thankfully, hope is driving.
I have a new theory I will test. I have so much love to give that I need to distribute it by channeling elsewhere into more creative projects. I need to put my love into dance again, I need to sing, I need to listen to music, I need to paint and continue to poor my heart out in my writing. I need to love the amazing family and friends in my life today. I need to share my heart, my love, because it is too much for one human to handle.
Time for more laughter, time for more dance and time for more play in my life.
I love the dance between the internal and external as I cleanse the energy lines from the root to the top of the tree. I am learning to live with an open broken heart. I have so much love to share with her when she arrives. I need to maintain the dance between persistence and patience. Between bravery and humblness. I need to settle for nothing less then that soulful connection.
We are nervous, we are scared, most skate on the surface, but if we give deep discovery the time it requires, if we dig a little deeper and explore the seven lines of energetic points first within ourselves then with the person across from us, we are bound to find that love. It feels like two of the most powerful magnets pulling together. It takes an abundance of energy to split apart.
I know deep down, when I find it, life will reach heights that are unimaginable from where I currently stand. This is not the time to settle for anything less. This is the time to ask and stay open for what cannot be articulated with words. It can only be emotions that reside within the soul and are communicated through the heart. The mind has no say. Logic is irrelevant. Keep rational thoughts out of this. There are no algorithms to measure this connection, this love.
Many of us are so closed, robots just walking aimlessly attempting to connect through the list generated within our minds either on our own but most likely based on the expectations of our tribe and society we inherited and embed ourselves in. Put away those formulas, they are useless if real love, real connection and genuine happiness is what you are searching for. Open your heart, your broken open heart. Living with a closed heart is the same as being six feet under.
Whats the fucking point?
Open up baby, lets play, lets dance and lets love with broken open hearts.
I imagine her in my life. I imagine walking behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist, moving her hair too one side, one kiss on her cheek and another soft kiss on her neck, turning her around looking into her eyes as our bodies exchange energies, spirits lifting each other, I softly kiss her on her beautiful lips.
I am in search of love that cannot be articulated with words.