Jigsaw

Is there another way?

At some point, at some number, we need to pause and ask: Is this it? Is this the way?

The gauge is fear and stress. The higher the fear and stress, the more likely it’s not the way.

Or maybe it’s the other way? That’s for each of us to decipher.

A calculation I’m still calculating.

Left or right? Flip a coin and walk in the direction it tells you. Heads—left. Tails—right.

Upside down. Inside out.

It’s all a zigzag, back and forth. It’s the illusion of a straight line that brings pain to our hearts and minds.

Nothing about you is fucking straight, and in this jigsaw of a world, you want to walk a tightrope.

There is a guaranteed fall—and nothing below to catch you.

Embrace the upside down, and only then can you know what is right side up.

The Dark Never Travels Alone

Getting off track or maybe it's on track. Who fucking knows.

The stress of doomsday lives in my heart. I know it's a possibility but I also know that I can look out another window and sunshine is waiting to receive the gaze of my eyes. It's all perspective.

MANASIAH AKPALIAIPIK - Screaming Faces, 1991

Ask yourself, is it really gray outside? Is the future bleak? What data are you assessing that justifies a narrative that causes commotion in your heart? What's first, the emotions or the narrative? The feeling or the thought? It's hard to tell at times. It's that whole chicken and egg thing. What came first. It's so swift and fast, difficult to decipher the order of operations.

Sunshine is there. Darkness never travels alone. But it requires effort and awareness to change the direction of our lens, pointing the binoculars towards another horizon and suddenly you see the rainbow above.

This makes me reflect on the miracle of this moment. The sun. The sun shining down on this planet. I mean, how do we make sense of such a grand gesture from the divine? Names don't do it justice. It cannot be named, it can only be experienced with awareness, yet we will never experience the whole, simply bits and pieces when we take a moment to pause and remember.

Oof, what a trip of a fucking world we live in and I'm not talking about the world as in this planet, I'm referring to the little worlds we create within our minds and hold onto a pseudo truth, then we kill for this truth, we die for this truth.

Illusory certainty will be the death of humanity.

This brings a smile to my face. Fills my body with joy to remember. To look through another window.

Light. I can dwell in the dark.

She reminds me, we remind each other, there are other windows.