Rocking Vulnerability: Embracing Fear and Finding Evolution

I've been reading and listening to Brené Brown's work for a couple of years now, and I've also been consciously practicing vulnerability. But yesterday, I took it to a whole new level. I was nervous all week, trying to prepare for this talk—it was uncharted territory. The last time I gave a speech was in grade 7. I made it to the gym and almost competed with other schools. My buddy Dave won; he was the better storyteller. Now, at 39, I'm a much different man (thank God). If I were the same, that would be a whole other problem.

Last night, I stood up in front of 150 strangers, some of whom were friends and family I had invited. I face-planted with a level of vulnerability that would have made Brené Brown proud. I was in the arena. I got up and wiped the dust off, and today was a brand-new morning. Even though I forgot most of my speech, I felt fucking good. That doesn't mean my self-talk was all positive. Absolutely not. I'm human.

My initial thoughts were that I had disappointed Greg, who runs the Toronto chapter of ManTalks and invited me to speak. I also disappointed Conner, the founder of ManTalks, and I disappointed the audience. They took time out of their Monday evening for this event, and I choked. I got stage fright. I tried to compose myself and start over. I'd get going, then get stuck again.

Finally, I just gave up and admitted to everyone that I had completely forgotten what I wanted to say and share. Afterward, my mind raced with all the things I wanted to say but didn't—all the experiences I could have shared in the hopes of inspiring others to begin the process of looking inward and connecting with themselves because lasting confidence and deep connections begin from within.

Yes, it could have been better, and yes, I could have rocked it. But there were lessons I needed to learn, and I'm glad I learned them early—on a big stage. Being in this area of public speaking, I know the size of the stage I want to strive for. I know the level I eventually want to play at. And I will say, by no means was this a small stage. Sponsored by Samsung, with a wicked ass stage, purpose, and the best part—a wonderful audience.

I was thinking about a quote by Jamie Foxx during his interview with Tim Ferriss. He said, "Do you know what's on the other side of fear? Nothing." I loved that, but I would take it to another level.

On the other side of fear is evolution.

We have been taught to see fear as something to conquer, but it turns out that fear is something to embrace. The same goes for failure. If you don't fail, how do you receive clarity on which direction to head? Failure is a beautiful compass that guides us toward our highest potential.

I want another shot so badly. I'm opening myself to the Universe right this minute. My heart is open and ready. Dear Universe, I'm ready to play BIG.

I don't know where this culture of perfection and the need to always look good to the outside world came from while we struggle and sit in pain in our internal world. It stunts the evolution of humanity and keeps our hearts closed. I'm sure there was a moment in history when we were required to close up, but honestly, I don't give a fuck. Where we stand right now is what's important. We all need to encourage each other to embrace walking in spaces where there's potential for face plants. It forces us to reflect and look inside ourselves.

I cancelled cable at 25. Do you know why? First, I was falling asleep on a hand-me-down IKEA sofa when I had a kick-ass mattress I paid enormous amounts of money for in the other room. The other reason was I was watching all these people, whether in fiction or nonfiction, living their lives while I wasn't living mine. When I turned off the tube, I had no choice but to get creative with my time. I met my first girlfriend, who gifted me my first book, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, which happened to change my fucking life. He talks about living your legend and how it should be your sole purpose—discover your personal journey and walk your path. This also led to my love of reading. Wow, there is actually a book and author out there that I could love. I always thought I hated reading, but in reality, I hated what the academic world was feeding me. Do you know we are still teaching Shakespeare? Are you kidding me? Our world is not ending; it's just stale, with the same old ways and messages. We need to liven it up by stepping into the unknown and identifying our own journey.

Do you know why people don't like meditation? It's not for the reason many say, which is, "I just can't sit down and quiet my mind." I had an aha realization. It's not the quieting of the mind that's the challenge; it's discovering what lies inside that's the challenge. When you begin the process, the goal isn't to calm the mind but to get into your mind, your body—specifically your heart—and then into your soul. When you get that deep, that's when the real shit opens up. That's when you start considering therapy and coaching because you have no choice but to discover your personal journey and purpose. It will rock your world and shake you up, but it's so fucking worth it.

Mirroring is the way to grow. Every step you take and every human you connect with is a mirror to you, especially in romantic relationships. I dated women who had no problems holding up those mirrors. There were mirrors everywhere! Eventually, I got the point and headed to therapy.

Therapy changed my life. It allowed me to open up and air out all the old scabs that never healed properly.

You know, I have this thing called Nexus. It allows me to bypass the line at the airport simply by scanning my eyes, generating wonder, awareness and curiosity. It reminds me how unique I am and how important it is to stay on my path, discover my personal journey, and unlock and reveal the portals within me. We have yet to reach the peak of our capacity. People talk about how the world is ending. I believe we are just beginning. So don't worry about the outside noise; don't pay too much attention. Decrease the external volume and increase the internal volume.

If you ever question your unique nature or authenticity, think about your iris and your fingerprints. There are seven billion-plus people on this planet, and there's only one authentic you.

Embrace fear and respect the failures because that's where evolution is waiting for you.

Rocking vulnerability feels good. My heart is a little more open today than it was before the talk. I love the path I'm on because I know it's my path to walk.

Three Access Points to the Depths of YOU

I think a lot about the three access points/layers: the body, mind, and spirit. To live a happy life from the inside out, we need two out of three functioning optimally to reach a high level of happiness and present life satisfaction. If you can get all three going, you will reach some next-level success and wisdom.

How do we do this? We exercise the body, mind, and spirit. We train to strengthen the pillars of who we are. Meditation is how I maintain my balance and clarity and experience expansion.

Firstly, I find it easier to live a human life because I live in equanimity, creating space to allow the flow of energy. This enables me to be more adaptable in my external life.

Secondly, meditation allows access to my spirit. The clearer the mind, the easier it is to access my spirit and all the intelligence within and through it. I know it’s a little out there if you’ve never experienced meditation or a spiritual practice, but I promise it is accessible to all. You are accessible to yourself (if that makes any sense). You are an oil field waiting to be tapped, but the only person who can tap into you is, you guessed it, YOU.

Some people have a challenging time accessing or purifying the mind. Their life experience is so intellectual that their minds are stuck in their heads, and breaking the dam to get into their bodies is emotionally and physically painful. So, the best way to do it is to take the back door directly to the spirit.

Welcome to the world of Psychedelics or Religion. You pick and choose what feels suitable for you. There is no one right way; there is no one right path. There is no single path to reach your destination, which is the purification of the mind. It’s your path and your choice as to how you want to reach that destination. More importantly, it’s also your choice whether you even care about reaching that destination and discovering the depths of you.

I remember when a friend shared with me that she knows where the path to self-discovery leads, the path to the purification of the mind and access to her spirit, but she made a conscious decision to say, “I’m not ready; I love my external world and all the goodness that comes with it.” I have an abundance of love for people who make these types of conscious decisions.

It’s your body, your mind, your spirit. It’s your choice.

If the mind is difficult to reach, you can tackle it from both body and spirit. The purification process will be a lot more efficient. My ultimate goal is to run optimally from all three areas. The combination of body and spirit purifies the mind from above and below. It’s like cutting weeds from the top (physical exercise) and simultaneously pulling the roots out from below (spiritual practices such as prayer or psychedelics).

Once we reach the purification of the mind, all dissolve, and spirit, mind, and body synchronize and melt into one, leading to infinite intelligence. I wish there was a magic pill to reach and maintain this state, but there is not. It requires multiple lifetimes of work, although we are in a collective global self-discovery mode, putting the process of waking up on a fast track, and it is beautiful to witness.

Regardless of what is occurring in the mainstream media, or any media for that matter, if you just decide to turn it off for a little while, you will begin to see the beauty that I see. My hope for humanity is to turn down the external volume and increase the internal volume. The world wants to see you. The world wants to experience you. The world needs you.

I’ll end with one of my favourite quotes: “You are more powerful than you think; act accordingly.” – Seth Godin