The Seductive Shadow
Essaouira, Morocco
In depression, I embody my shadow.
The shadow is seductive,
the place where my deepest desires are stored.
A sadness engulfs me,
a desire to bring these parts of myself to light.
Fear freezes me.
Pieces of me cultivated as outcast,
pieces society, religion, loved, and trusted ones deemed as bad, sinful, unworthy.
The longer I wait, the heavier the weight.
It's time to declutter my shadow.
Heaviness.
Carrying the weight of my shadow.
Difficult to move, to breathe.
Walking along and suddenly, the swift energy of the shadow is activated.
It feels like walking through mud after a storm.
Sinking.
It's hard to move at times.
Gifts of intoxication.
Substances provide temporary relief,
an opportunity to act out the tucked-away self within my shadow.
The small window closes once again.
I put away myself and awake once again to my reality,
yearning for the seductive shadow to light me up once again.
The Challenges of Showing Gratitude and Saying Thank You
I had an interesting realization the other night and have been wanting to write this all month. A pattern has surfaced within me—an inability to truly thank those who’ve had a profound impact on my life. When it’s someone I’ve known for only a short time, expressing my gratitude feels natural, like my thankfulness can match what I received.
But when it comes to people—and in this case, an entire community like GLP—that have profoundly shaped my life, I feel like no words could ever be enough. Nothing I say could measure up to the appreciation and love I feel.
Every single day, I find myself speaking about the GLP community, expressing my admiration and appreciation out loud. Talking about the impact you've all had on me is one of my proudest moments each day. You’ve shown me how to give and receive love, taught me that I am enough, and even shifted my view on social media—it’s not just a place for distraction, but a space that can truly connect and uplift.
You’ve given me permission to dive deeper, to be unapologetically myself.
As I entered a new decade, I took a moment to reflect on the one that just passed. My early thirties weren’t easy, but I got through them. I knew, even then, that there was a reward waiting. And in 2014, I received it—a gift that continues to unfold.
That gift is all of you.
I feel like I won the happiness lottery, a lottery that gave me access to a world of feeling good enough, a lottery that allowed me to shed all the masks I wore and simply be. The prize? A deeper self-awareness, an acceptance of who I am, and the permission to wear just one hat—my own.
Every day, I feel like the luckiest person alive, and it’s because of each of you. I love you all deeply. Thank you for being in my life and for being such incredible examples to follow.
Many see the world through a lens of negativity. I choose to see all of you. This community gives me the hope I need. When people complain about the state of the world, I think of you all and smile—inside and out. I know each of you is transforming, within and without, and your presence alone is impacting the world.
Regardless of how much darkness surrounds us, this community will always be the light the world needs. You are the flashlight that illuminates my path, that keeps hope alive, even in the darkest of times.
It’s by standing on the shoulders of this community that I can see the beauty that lies ahead.