EVERYTHING

I have only one weapon, and that is my pen. Use it. Don't waste its unlimited ammunition. It is forever. All that is etched into this piece of paper is etched into the Universe. It is never for nothing. It is all for something. Do not worry about the naysayers inside and outside. Your heart's expression, its mark on this land, in this time, is not a nice-to-have; it is EVERYTHING.

From the Streets of Valencia, Spain

You are the beauty we are all waiting for; it will be received by the seen and unseen. Don't be discouraged, and don't look for outcomes. Each moment that your heart expresses upon us is a push in the right direction.

They speak about the third eye, the home of our intuition and critical to our awakening, but there is another eye that lives within your chest, planted upon your heart. Centuries of seduction have kept her sleeping, but their tears are our tears. Their sacrifice is our awakening. Don't let it be for nothing because it is everything. Don't you see the gift they are gifting us? Will you let their screams awaken you from the seduction of he?

Don't let it be for nothing because it is EVERYTHING.

From the streets of Valencia, Spain

Finding myself through conformity

Compliments and praise... Receiving them is more difficult than criticism for me. In my twenties, if someone complimented me, my ego would be fed and there would be a temporary extra pop in my step. When someone complimented me in my thirties, it was so difficult to receive that it would result in mini throw-ups (this stems from not feeling good enough).

In my mid-twenties, I moved out on my own for the first time. Late for the Western world, unacceptable in the Eastern world. Eventually, I canceled cable, met my first girlfriend, and had my first real travel experience without family—one week which I spent on my own. My girlfriend gifted me "The Alchemist," which I still have with me today. Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle, and Neale Donald Walsch helped me work on dissipating my ego and peeling off the layers of crap that others had draped over me.

My second girlfriend, first love, and first heartbreak took me to an entirely different level of feeling. She broke my world—and for the better. The relationship made me go inside and look deep within and ask the question: WHO AM I? WHO AM I? WHO AM I?

I have no degree; I am half-assed at everything. Heck, I don't even have a high school diploma. No connection with religion, not a criminal, not feeling fully Canadian, Muslim, or Indian. If I am none of these things, then WHO THE HELL AM I? I had so many social norms to look up to, but none of them fit. In every area of my life, I felt like a square peg in a round hole. I didn't identify with any of the worlds, and with utmost certainty, everyone had laid out as a matter of fact who I needed to be. Without it, I wouldn't succeed in life, I wouldn't reach the heavens, and I would probably end up as a bum in this life and in hellfire in the next. So much to look forward to. God was mad at me. Teachers were mad at me. My parents were mad at me. WHO THE HELL AM I?

Not fully fitting into my religious world, my Indian world, and the Western world resulted in not feeling good enough. So, what do you do when you don't feel good enough? Conform, conform, and conform to all three worlds around me. I was partially religious, not religious enough, partially Canadian, not Canadian enough, partially Indian, not Indian. I want to say I was partially academic, but I am three credits shy of a high school diploma. Those who knew I didn't have it continued encouraging me to return. From a societal sense, I understood the importance, but internally, I didn't want to go back because I didn't understand why I needed it to be successful.

I worked in my father's business, in retail, in warehouses, did a little bussing, sold flowers, and did some telemarketing too. I eventually did a $17,000 six-month IT course, which resulted in a $40,000 job at Citibank. The investment paid off for me. I thought, this is it! At 25 years old, I landed a $40,000 job at one of the largest banks in the world with no high school diploma. It felt like I hit the jackpot. I moved out, travelled, started dating, and had sex for the first time (I was a little late to the party).

Did I love my job? No. Did I love the people I worked with? Hell yeah. They were this new, awesome community that is still a part of my life today. I grew out of my job quickly. I pretended to love it because I didn't know who I was. I think many of us don't know who we are until later in our lives, and that's if we are lucky. If you don't know who you are, don't worry. Keep chipping away. The only thing you should not do is sit on your ass. Trust me. I tried it, and nothing good or bad came from it. Life isn't going to push you to start. You have to push yourself and explore the internal and external worlds. Experiment.

Working at Citibank helped me gain social acceptance. When I was asked the question "Where do you work?" I proudly responded with, "I am an Operations Analyst with Citibank!" Usually, the person asking the question would beam with approval. I would be lying if I said it didn't feel good. I was fitting in for the first time in my life and felt accepted. "Citibank is a great company. Good for you," they would say. My ego and external self enjoyed this approval. I made it. I was a part of the corporate world. I had successfully been accepted into the club of conformity.

Around the third or fourth year of being part of the club of conformity, my soul began to get restless and agitated to the point that it would no longer come into the building with me. It would stay outside the revolving door, waiting for me to finish my day (or come out for lunch) to reconnect. It was so hard to quit or get another job because I had zero clarity about my purpose in this world. It took a good friend and colleague to quit before I did. When this colleague of mine quit, I felt completely alone at this point. Not long after, I quit as well. I had no job lined up and had hefty debt and rent to pay among other expenses, but I was young. I mapped out my worst-case scenario, and it really wasn't that bad.

I thought to myself, am I ungrateful? So many people in this world would love to have my job. Am I being greedy by asking for more of myself? In the end, it became so unbearable to the point that staying was more uncomfortable than quitting. If I had stayed, I would have died a very slow death. I didn't have a plan, but it felt so good to quit that place!

Creative Connections

I spent the first part of my day in Tate Modern. I learned something interesting about Museums over the last few years. Walk through it and scan the work; you will have an energetic draw of those works that align with your inner being. Don't try to analyze and make sense of the works. If out of 200 pieces of art - sculptures, paintings, photography, etc, only two or three pull you in, that's ok. It's how it should be. Spend time with those pieces that draw you in, and be there with them because they will open up treasures within yourself. It will inspire you to be more significant and to do greater. If you get this, it will be a trip well worth it. You don't have to see or connect with everything. You don't have to understand, make sense or take pictures of every piece.

I love it when a piece pulls me in and triggers an emotional response from deep within, sometimes even making my hair stand. Others inspire me to do something to evolve, to draw to paint, and other pieces generate new ideas from the heart and soul.

Rick Rubin discusses this in his interview with Tim Ferriss. He discusses the importance of exploring other forms of artistic expression to bring out our inner wisdom and creativity. We should be inspired to be greater from the place of the heart and soul. It's where real greatness is generated. 

It could be a song, a lyric, a sentence, a poem, a painting, or a film. The forms of potential inspiration are endless. If you don't know where to start, start anywhere. Don't think about it. Go to the theatre, watch a movie, pop into a museum or check out a concert. 

We are all creative beings, but most of us have had our creativity suppressed and told to be practical instead. What is the logical and rational thing to do? Logic and rationality have their place, but they need to take a back seat to creativity right now. We have suppressed who we are so deeply that the only way to unleash it, take the veil off, and unblock it is through external inspiration. Make it your purpose to find your creative connection. It will lead you to finding yourself, being yourself, and loving yourself more than you could ever imagine, inevitably resulting in loving others more deeply. 

You will eventually find a creative connection so deep that it is like gravity is pulling your creative being out from the dark corners, from under the rocks that have fallen on top of it through the avalanches of societal expectations of logic and rationality. You will have no choice but to express your deepest inner self and share your creativity in forms that align with who you truly are. 

Make those creative connections. It's time now. We need you to come out from under the rubble and shine your creative light.